After going through what I did with my daughter( 2 months in nicu) when I got pregnant(8 yes later) I didn't think and wasn't planning on going through this all again. When I found out I was pregnant I wasn't very happy. I quit smoking a few days before I actually conceived so I had my issues with that, I also was just coming to term with I would only have my daughter although this was my husbands 5th(Ryker is his 6th) I only had Anna. But this is what I choose my husband and I have been together for 10 years married 6 years so trust me when I say this pregnancy sure took us by surprise. I know everything happens for a reason but really another child?!?!? I already felt like I had my plate full, a family, 5 kids, 2 kids with jobs, my husbands job as a GM. No one could drive but me so I literally was driving everyone everywhere, not to mention my job(2hrs/day) apts, sports, housework, etc...
How was I gonna add a newborn into all this, as time went on with my pregnancy I started accepting it a little more. I had ultrasounds at 8,12,16,18,20,22,26,31 weeks so I knew it was real I knew he was coming but yet I was so unhappy. I didn't know why I felt like this but all I know I Id sure regret feeling this way.
I went into hospital on a Tuesday morning(May 15) I couldn't sleep the night before or get comfortable I started researching labor and contractions. Well with my first I had straight back labor, pretty much same story with this one. Anyways I decide I should go in and make sure I'm not in labor(really thinking I wasn't) as I was in tri-age my contractions weren't picking up on monitor, the dr and nurse did some test they were about to do an ultrasound so I went to bathroom quick and they just got done asking if I was bleeding at all, I get back from bathroom like yep I'm bleeding now so they couldn't do what they were going to. The dr checked me I was 5cm dilated already! 5!!! I didn't even know just like with my first born I was dilated to 4 and had no clue! They tried to slow my labor down but that wasnt working after an exhausting day, vomiting, and oxygen and contractions, I had a baby boy at 9:55pm. The labor was horrible it came to life or death. I was trying so hard(I also did this without pain meds) and I couldn't get him out. All I remember is hearing the dr say she has to get this baby out now or he's gone. Something came over me as I laid there felt like I was dead, oxygen on my face, had no more energy, they couldn't do a c-section cuz I was too far in labor they couldn't use forceps or clamps because of him being 31 weeks, I had no choice but to push. Something came over me and I pushed and screamed like I never have before even ripped my IV out and my baby boy came out, he wasn't crying, I was laying there so scared, why did I hate being pregnant with him now he isn't going to make it. That's all I could think, finally I hear a cry!!! I swear it was one of the happiest day of my life!
I got to hold him for a minute to take a picture with him and my husband before he was swift away to the nicu. I never thought I'd be going threw this again! I went in every week for MaKena shots, well I guess my body don't like carrying babies:(
Congratulations on your baby boy! Try not to be so hard on yourself, you did the absolute best you could for him, and listening to your instincts and going into the hospital probably saved his life. Keep us updated on his NICU stay and how he is doing. Please know you aren't alone in all of this and we are here for you.
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