Before my son Bennett my fiancé and I lost a baby.
See, I've loved my man for four years. Through heaven and hell.
We tore each other apart and put each other back together again. Drug addictions, drinking, other lovers- you name it. Like a soap opera, I was madly in love with him. Well, when we were just 18/19 , I became pregnant. Life got better for awhile. We quit drugs. We focused on each other, it seemed this baby was a gift. He or she was a blessing, fixing our lives day by day. But I was very sick. I couldn't eat, and I was so emotional. At first I'll admit I was not thrilled about our baby. He wanted it, but I was weary. Until one night, we made love and clung to each other in blissful happiness as I truly decided that I wanted that baby. And my man forever.
Life can be cruel.
That next day I started bleeding, heavily soaking pads. It began to hurt.
We went to the doctors, crying together, even praying. "God just please let our baby be okay. We don't deserve this."
I remember bleeding for a week heavily, knowing that babes was dying. And it felt like parts of me died with them. Until the doctor told me, I lost my child.
We ended up breaking up soon after. My drinking came back full force. And for two years our lives were terrible. We couldnt stay away from each other. But we only hurt one another. See our love felt so real. I told myself that we were terrible people, we deserved to lose our little Dupree. That's what we called him.
There's a light at the end of the tunnel though.
Almost a year ago I completely sobered up from drinking and everything, thinking that if I made myself better fate would be better. Maybe my love would be in my life someday.
And I got him sober, and we got pregnant, went through a long pregnancy falling head over heels in pure love. What we have is old as the earth, he is my best friend, the love of my life and the father of my living son Bennett. I love them so much and he really was a blessing. Losing our first baby hurt us both, but we gained an angel. On Earth and above. Bennett was meant for us now, we weren't ready then. It does get better. I am beyond happy. Sober. Loving life and who's in it.
Thank you for sharing this story. I'm so sorry for the loss of your baby Dupree. I really admire your honesty, strength, and perseverance. Sending hugs to you and Bennett (what a sweet name)!
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