The day I got to hold Boone for the first time was one of thee best days of my life. We had been in the NICU for a week, still trying to figure out our new normal. Over the weekend I remember one of my nurses saying to me, we'll let you hold him in the next day or so. I was shocked! It's crazy to think I would be surprised to hear that I could hold my own baby. I hadn't even asked to hold him, he was so tiny, and he had so many tubes, I didn't want to take him out of his incubator.
But the removed Boone from the high frequency oscillator to a ventilator over the weekend and since he was doing well with that Monday was the day! I came in that morning so excited and so happy. I was going to get to hold my son for the first time. Ryan was there with me. He wasn't going to miss seeing this! We had the camera and video ready!
I got myself situated in those uncomfortable recliner chairs... Am I right!? While the nurses got ready to lift him out and over to me. Just watching that made me anxious. The nurse needed a "spotter" to help move the tubes while she handed him to me! As soon as she handed him to me and we were settled I was in instant tears.
Here was this baby that had been inside me just a week ago. Boone was born at 23 weeks and 4 days, all I wanted to do was put him back in me. I sat there with my son and just cried. I felt so much love for him. I didn't say much to Boone that first Kangaroo session, but I know what I did say. Once I was left alone I remember apologizing. I told him how sorry I was that I couldn't carry him. I felt so much guilt for not being able to take care of my baby. He was so perfect, i thought if I could have just kept him in longer he would have been a healthy little boy.
Our first Kangaroo session lasted 2 hours! He did so well and he held his temperature. I didn't want it to end, but I knew the best place for him was in his incubator. Every time I got to hold him though, it was the highlight of my day. I looked forward to our time together. Eventually I brought in some books and I would read to him so he got to know my voice. The first story I ready to him was the creation story. I told him that God created him and he was made perfect. I told him that some day I would teach him all about God. Now, my little Boone is in Heaven and when I meet him he will tell ME all about our heavenly father.
I'm so sorry for your loss hun I have also got 2 angel baby boys and also a mirical rainbow baby I didn't get to hold 2 of my sons in 2000 and 2001 born 24 weeks my 1st angel baby lived for 2 weeks my 2nd angel baby lived for 6 hours but my youngest son just turned 2yrs on 28th Jan he was born at 26 weeks and doing great he has health problems but he's always fighting back when he's ill
What a beautiful and magical moment you just described. The pictures are just beautiful. Until I had Josie I never knew what it was to apologize for feeling like you failed from the moment of birth and even conception in my case. Thanks for continuing to share Boone's life with us.
Love and Hugs
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