Boone's Blessing

WHY did this happen? And how do you deal?

  • HUGS!  I think many of us who walk the journey of Infant loss ask ourselves this question a million time over. We will question every thing we did wondering if we could have done something different to change the outcome.  I call this mommy guilt and its one of the hardest parts of loss to me.  The jealousy of those who get the perfect ended when we didn't is normal.     I have no clue why my daughter was taken to soon.  I do know that because of her I am different, I see things different.  I found SHARE shortly after I lost her 12 years ago and the love comfort and support I received here was like nothing I had experienced in my life.  Share became my safe place.   I could say exactly how I felt with no judgement.     I don't think I will ever know why this happened to me, to you, to any of us, but I do know that I am able to reach a hand of support to others who will follow in the journey just as I received in those early days.  Know that you are not alone in this journey.  We are here for you as you navigate this very hard road.

    So much love

    Samantha

  • Honestly, in the early days of losing Josie, not much of anything could help me. I had good friends, but after the funeral, its over for everyone else. I tried so desperately to just be "me" again. Sometimes I went out, most of the time I stayed in my room with a bottle of wine. If I could go back, I would tell myself to take it a moment at a time and not have so many expectations. I would say its okay to be angry, its okay to be sad and hurt and over whelmed. I wish I had found Share then, so I would have known that I was normal. Now, it helps me to know the impact her tiny life had on me and on everyone that I have connected with because of her. Sending you so much love.

    Brandi

  • First... very big hugs to you. The question of "Why?" haunts me too... even, though I'm not a loss Mom. I think it is a question many of ask who have found themselves in the NICU. My twins were born at 25 weeks in 2001. Today both of them have ongoing issues... Hanna has medical complications. Rachel, has a laundry list of neurological/mental health complications. I know if they had been full term we likely wouldn't face these complications. I don't ask why as often as I once did, but I do still ask... especially when we face a new hurdle for one or both of them. I actually said out loud in my car, while driving alone yesterday... "why is this my life" after a particularly hard day with Rachel.

    I adopted a saying when we were in the NICU... "I can't change what is... I just have to do it". Sometimes it's much easier to "just do it" than others but we just find our way through it.

    Know that what you're feeling is okay... and just like many other Moms who have been through what you're going through. And most importantly know that you're not alone in this journey. We are all here to support you in any way we can. Maybe in writing Boone's story, and your story you are getting through it.

    Hugs and love,

    Karri

  • Thank you for your posting. I went into premature labor 2 weeks ago at 23 weeks and our baby girl did not survive.  I keep asking myself these same questions and I honestly don't know why this happened. there was no medical reason for what happened, no reason why I went into premature labor and why my water broke early.  I keep praying that this was just a one time event and will not happen again, but I am fearful of what the next pregnancy will bring (we going to wait 6 months). All I wanted was a healthy and happy baby, but for whatever reason that was too much to ask for.  I wish I could help with an answer to these questions, but all I can do is let you know that you are not alone.