Today I woke up knowing that I was going to get bad news. I wanted to be optimistic but my body was giving me all the clues that made it pretty clear that my 10 week old bubba had left me. My partner was optimistic, this is something we both wanted...to finally start a family and we were both so excited. I'd been cramping the day before for the entire day and I saw blood and as little as it was, I knew it was a sign of what I already suspected (perhaps even knew). Today the scan confirmed that my lil bubba had not heart beat. I broke down in tears right there on the examination table as did my love. He wanted this so bad (I did too). My first pregnancy and just like that....it's over. I go in tomorrow for a second scan at which point the doctor will just confirm what we already know. A part of me is hoping this is all some huge mistake but how often does that happen and why get my hopes up? So here I am, looking for some support, some way of knowing that although this incredibly heart breaking thing has happened, I'm not out of the running and I can still have a healthy pregnancy. I am so sad...glad I didn't tell people because that would make it that.much more worse. Distraught that I am no longer part of the motherhood club and so scared of what it will mean if I get pregnant again (when I get pregnant again). I want to be a mother so bad, I didn't realise how bad until that pregnancy test was positive and I immediately fell in love with the life that had started growing in me. How do you get through this? How do you find the courage to try again? Does it get better? Will I ever get to be a mum? I know some of these questions can't be answered with certainty but I'm desperate to bring life into this world and as much as I am hurting right now, I can't give up...I don't want to. If you have been through this, please feel free to offer some advice...I'm open and just looking for some support as I go down this painful road.
March of Dimes fights for the health of all moms and babies. We're advocating for policies to protect them. We're working to radically improve the health care they receive. We're pioneering research to find solutions. We're empowering families with the knowledge and tools to have healthier pregnancies. By uniting communities, we're building a brighter future for us all.
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