This weekend has been especially tough. I feel like I am starting the grieving process all over again. I have cried so much. I received her professional pictures today and seeing how beautiful she was just broke me. The pain of losing a child is indescribable. Sometimes i fear i will never be happy again. I have lost my passion. Nothing interests me anymore. They say time heals but it seems time has stood still for me.
I'm not entirely sure its time that heals grief or pain. The pain in my heart for Josie is still here 11 years later, just not as raw as it once was. I think at some point I made peace with her leaving me and now I mother her memory since I can't mother her. I think one of the most poignant things I've taken away from the loss of a child is that your world essentially stops while the rest of the world keeps turning; your heart is broken but somehow it just keeps beating. I had the same breakdown when I ordered extra pictures of Josie and they arrived. It's so very unfair and I'm so very sorry you are feeling this way. Please know you are not alone and we are here for you.
Love and Hugs
My heart goes out to you that you are feeling this immense pain. I know it as well from losing my twin boys at 22w5d in March 2007. Brandi is right ... time doesn't necessarily heal the grief or pain ... yet the ache lessens.
So many things triggered that pain in the early days, and I, too, lost my passion for life, for work and for living. Nothing else matters when you lose your children.
I think the only thing we can do is take things a moment at a time ... a breath at a time. Eventually, we learn how to walk again ... and down the line, with a smile on our face.
Sending you much love as you walk this journey. Know that we are here for you.
You might find yourself going back and forth through the many stages of grief. Know that this is very normal. I found myself bouncing between anger and bargaining for years. I'm definitely still angry and I'm still working on accepting how my son met his demise as there were so many factors involved. You'll know your triggers. You can go through a chunk of time seemingly okay and then wham! It just hits you and happens to you all over again. I'm so sorry that you're traveling this journey, but you're not alone. We're all trying to figure it out as well and finding the way again does take time.
Sending love and strength,
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