Harlyn’s journey began July 5, 2017, egg retrieval day. On July 12 one perfect embryo was transferred. After six failed IUI’s and six and a half years of infertility treatments, we couldn’t have been any more excited than we were that day. During the TWW I had awful heartburn and my sense of smell increased. On July 25, I went in for a blood test and cried when the nurse called me with the results, we were PREGNANT! Finally, our dream of starting a family had come true. At seven weeks and six days, I had some spotting and was immediately seen by my RE, turned out to be unexplained bleeding which my RE explained to me was common early in pregnancies. I was sent to the ER for a shot of Rhogham because I am Rh- and Mike is not, and sent home. On the way home, we decided on names, Jack Wesson for a boy, and Harlyn Delaney for a girl. Everything was going great with the pregnancy, I wasn’t gaining any weight but Harlyn was perfect….the doctor’s even said she could be in an anatomy book. On October 3, we found out were having a girl, I was so excited! We were having a little princess! Then on the evening of Friday, November 24 I started having some mild cramping. Nothing too painful and I didn’t think much of it. On Saturday, we decorated our Christmas tree and cleaned out our downstairs closet. I was still cramping so I texted my doulas who told me to drink some water and rest. Google and friends told me it was probably my uterus expanding to make room for the baby. On Sunday morning I was still cramping so I called the doctor who told me to go straight to labor and delivery, they would be waiting for me. I jokingly said to my husband, well if this is what contractions feel like I should have no problems with natural childbirth. We got to the hospital and had a sonogram done, I knew something was wrong when the tech checked my cervix and moved the screen to where we couldn’t see anything. When we left the sonogram room the tech told the on-call doctor she needed to check me. I was four centimeters dilated at 22 weeks and 3 days. They put me on magnesium to stop my labor, apparently, my cramping was actually contractions. The doctors told me I would stay in the hospital until I hit 24 weeks and then transferred to Johns Hopkins. After my OB spoke to my MFM my treatment plan changed. I was released late Monday morning and told to go directly to my MFM’s office in Annapolis. She confirmed what my OB had already told her, I was 4 cm dilated and an emergency cerclage was not an option, the risk was far too great. I was released on bedrest for the next three days and on Friday, December 1 if I were still pregnant I would be admitted to Anne Arundel Medical Center where I would stay until I delivered Harlyn. On Tuesday, November 28, my best friend spend the day with me while I laid in bed. I had a few aches and pains but I thought it was from laying on my back for three days. I began having “cramps” again that evening and a pain radiating down my right hip, I went to the bathroom and am pretty sure part of my mucus plug was in the toilet. The on-call doctor told me to get to the closest hospital. I sent my doulas a text and Sam met us at the hospital. I will never forget the car ride, the stop lights, the contractions that were coming four minutes apart. The fear and anxiety I felt knowing we needed to be 23 weeks or there was a great possibility Haryln wouldn’t make it. I was rushed to labor and delivery and the contractions wouldn’t stop coming. The doctor and nurses left the room to get some equipment and Sam went to get me an apple juice. That’s when my water broke, I had been at the hospital for maybe ten minutes. The doctor and nurses rushed in and one of the nurses tried to find a heartbeat with the doppler and couldn’t find it, but told us not to worry, it is normal at this stage in the pregnancy. However, no one had ever had any issues finding her heartbeat before. I asked her to check a little higher because she had been above my belly button the day before and had a strong heartbeat. They brought in a sonogram machine and I will never forget those four words that changed our lives forever, “There is no heartbeat.” Everything after that happened so fast, my husband and I were sobbing. Within minutes Harlyn was born asleep. My placenta never detached so I had to have a D&C the next day, Wednesday. On Thursday, the 30th I was released from the hospital. We were able to keep Harlyn in the room with us and hold her for 24 hours, I am thankful we had that time with her, but wish we had a lifetime, it’s just not fair.
On the way out a nurse, not paying attention congratulated us, but instead of leaving the hospital with a baby, we were leaving with a box of her belongings. The blanket she was swaddled in and the knitted hat the nurses put on her. The hospital also gave us a remembrance box with a small heart pillow they photographed with her and a two-piece ceramic heart necklace. One piece to stay with Haryln and the second piece to stay with us. On Friday, the day we were to be admitted to AAMC we were at the funeral home instead, planning her memorial service.
My dear sweet angel, we love and miss you so much.
Hello and Welcome
I am so very sorry for the loss of your precious baby girl. I lost my daughter Josie 11 years ago this year. Thank you for sharing Harlyn's story with us. Throughout this journey I have found that writing about my loss was the most helpful way to process everything. I hope you have found comfort here and will continue to share her and your journey. This is a safe place where you are always understood.
Love and Hugs
Welcome to Share. I am so sorry to read about the loss of your baby girl Harlyn. I love the way you spelled her name! Almost nine years ago, our baby boy was born sleeping at 30 weeks. I heard those same fateful words of 'no heart beat' and mine just sank. I found this site days after our loss and was able to meet others who were also walking this grief journey. Knowing that I wasn't alone in my feelings was really helpful. I hope that it can do the same for you. We're here to listen.
Sending extra hugs to you this love month,
Hi welcome to share. I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter. My son died 5 years ago . Having to plan a funeral for your baby is so hard. I had to plan son's 3 days before his due date. I am sending many hugs your way and we are here for you when ever you need to share more of your story or for us to just listen. Nicki
Hi and welcome to Share. I'm so sorry for the loss of your beautiful Harlyn. This must be one of the most traumatic, heartbreaking experiences anyone can endure. I know that your strength, clarity, and your love for Harlyn will carry you through this journey somehow. I'll be thinking of you and sending hugs.
Welcome to Share. I am so sorry for the loss of you sweet Harlyn. I wish I could give you a huge hug right now. Please know you are not alone. I lost my daughter a little over 11 years ago after she was born 15 weeks to soon. Share is a great place to find love, comfort, and support from other moms who have walked a similar journey. We are here for you!
Much love and Many hugs
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