when I found out I was pregnant I was ecstatic, yet scared... I wasn't ready for another baby but it happened. I protected against pregnancy in every way I could, but God had a different plan. When I took the test, just one week late, the line was dark. I couldn't believe it, I did everything I could to not get pregnant, how is this possible? Took another test, still a dark positive. Ok, ok...im pregnant, with mixed emotions being the father was not my boyfriend but my best friend, how is he going to react!? Scared? Mad? Will he think the baby is someone else's because we aren't in a relationship?! His reaction wasn't necessarily bad but not the best either. We aren't ready for more kids, he has a son already and I do too, but more...now!? When we went to the doctor she requested a ultrasound right away, there's two gestational sacs...wait...two? What's that mean!? TWINS!!!?!! We were overwhelmed, one was enough to worry about, now two!?! It took a few weeks to accept it, to actually feel excited and not scared. Once the excitement hit I was overwhelmed with emotions. I'm so excited to have TWO babies, I hope I have a girl and a boy!!! I immediately fell INLOVE at the first US, even though I was scared ****less, I knew deep down I could handle it and I knew their father could too. I had also found out I have a bicornuate uterus, one twin in each horn which put me at a high risk. I bled a lot in the beginning, due to placenta previa which took me out of work at 13 weeks. I was always worried about twin "b", I just had a feeling that something was wrong, I also had a feeling that twin "a" was a girl and twin "b" was a boy. At 20 weeks they sent me to Duluth, MN Essentia Health for a 2D ultrasound, I decided to bring my 5 year old with (I raise him completely by myself) and he was SO excited to be a big brother. Well, this wasn't the appointment to bring him to and I wish I would of known.... I found out I was having a boy and a girl! I also was right about which twin was a girl/boy. Than the bad news hit, like a ton of bricks thrown at my face. My boy twin has defects, serious defects...to a point they don't think he will make it. He has no limbs, his head was abnormally shaped, and he was much, much smaller than his sister. But his sister was 100% fine and heathy....I broke down, what did I do?! Was it the hot baths? Is it because I drank mt dew?! I was the healthiest I ever been in my life when I got pregnant, how could this happen!? The doctor was trying her best to make sure I knew it wasn't my fault, but I couldn't help but feel that way. A couple weeks pass and I got to the cities for a amniostosis, the results came back negative, so no generic defects, no answers. A couple weeks after that I started bleeding, heavily. I'm only at 24 weeks at this point, they send me in an ambulance to Minneapolis. I stayed there for four days, the bleeding and cramping have stopped. They think the placenta moved off my uterine wall a little bit. So for Christmas I got to go home to my son (RJ) we had a beautiful holiday full of laughter, love and joy....just what we both needed. Christmas eve I lose what looks like a old blood clot, but its huge? My ob said it was probably a clot, if I'm not bleeding or cramping I'm okay just lie down and take it easy.
Three days later, the horror began. I started lightly cramping, nothing too serious so I took a bath to help relax my muscles. About 45 minutes later I started having contractions, painful, hard contractions that weren't stopping. I get ready to go to the emergency room, as I go to the bathroom I feel something coming out, so I go to feel what it is....ITS A BABY! I'm in a panic, I rush out the door and drive myself to the ER (adrenaline driving in a snow storm) I live about 15 miles from the hospital and I got there safely in 10 minutes, the time I got there couldn't be more perfect. My OB was already there (without me calling) every pediatrician that works at the clinic was also there. My OB checks me and says that's definitely a baby, but its a foot, he/she is breeched and I'm dilated to a 10, but my water hasn't broke. So being 25 weeks and 1 days, she peeps me for a vaginal birth!?! She doesn't do cesareans but she and the nurses know hoe to prep for one. By the time the surgeon comes, he checks me and calls for an emergency C section, screams at my ob for prepping me wrong. The twins father is there, nurses can't put in an iv, they blew three veins already. I'm fighting to keep the babies in, worst pain of my life. Finally get an iv in and they knock me out for the surgery. When I woke up I found out the news...... My son didn't make it. I can't even explain the emotions I felt, I didn't believe it until I held his cold, breathless body. He was bigger than my daughter (1lb 13oz) but I started to lose it, autopsy showed nothing more than we already knew except his brain was normal......so he would of been normal besides having no limbs. I'm broken by this. The pediatricians made a mistake (thank God my babies father was there to witness) and their focus was on my son (Maximus) not realizing my daughter (Jayda) wasn't breathing. They got her breathing again but it bursted a blood vessel in her brain which has caused brain bleeding in left and right ventricles. They looked at the father and said "sshh"....... I was emotionless. So many mistakes, a loss child, one being sent to the nicu and I have to heal from surgery.
So, now being almost two weeks since they were born (12-27-18) my daughter is doing amazing in the NICU, they're surprised how well she's doing. Weighing 2lbs 2oz (1lb 9oz at birth) shes at 30ml of breast milk every hour and a half, and takes breaths over her ventilator. Still on it due to her using everything muscle to breath on her own, but shes off of all IVs.
Her brother gave all his strength to his sister, knowing she needed it. He is in a better place watching over all of us, and day by day we fight to keep Jayda healthy. She's a warrior, my miracle baby. If it wasn't for those pediatricians (minus their mistake which is forgivable) she wouldn't be here today. Please pray for my baby girl, she needs it more than ever.
Hello and Welcome to Share. I am so very sorry for the loss of your twin baby boy. Carrying twins yet not getting to keep both of them is absolutely unthinkable.
Congratulations on your amazing NICU warrior, I hope she continues to amaze you with her resolve. The NICU is full of ups and downs and its definitely more of a marathon than a sprint. Please know we are here for you and this is a safe place.
Wishing you so much strength and peace as you navigate the NICU with your baby girl.
Love and Hugs
What a journey you have been on. I'm so sorry for the loss of your sweet boy. And he is watching over your warrior in the NICU. I hope you will update us soon on how she is doing. So many hugs as you navigate to NICU while missing your sweet boy!
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