So its been almost 7 weeks since I lost him, my anxiety is through the roof but my depression is a hit or miss. I see a therapist to help me cope (I haven't done well in the past) its nice to talk to someone who just listens. I have heard I'm handling things well and that I look good..... doesn't feel that way. The doctor reassures me that its not my fault, nothing I did caused this, but I still blame myself. I'm trying to stop myself from thinking that, but its hard. I have joined an online support group, sometimes it helps and sometimes it doesn't. Its nice to talk to people who have similar problems, but its terrifying learning of people who has had it even worse, your heart breaks for them but at the same time you don't want to hear it because you don't want anything like that happening to you. Which is odd because the worst thing that could happen to you did.... I go see a specialist in a couple weeks, I received semi good news yesterday, praying it all works out. I would love a rainbow baby, but it wouldn't be my little man and thats who I want most.. I'm just so conflicted with a baby, its frustrating, we'll just have to see what God has in store.
I am glad that you are able to talk with someone and just get those thoughts out. It used to bother me too when people told me that I looked good or sounded good. I mean, it's called taking a shower, doing your hair, and putting on makeup. But, I realized that in of itself told people that I hadn't given up on myself and gave them a sign that I was on my way to healing. I can understand the frustration too. We just wish they were here and we were spending our time differently. Hoping the appt with the specialist gives you more info and insight.
Thank you so much! It's nice knowing your not alone.
I'm so glad you were able to talk to someone. After loss "mommy guilt" is the hardest thing we do to ourselves. Know you were not at fault and you are not alone. Many many hugs to you.
I think its great you are seeing a therapist. I wish I would have after losing Josie, it would have helped so much to have a listening ear and someone to tell me I wasn't losing my mind, I was just grieving. I remember going to a support group and feeling worse because of all the other stories, its sometimes so hard to live in a world where these things happen. I wish you so much peace and strength throughout your journey and determining if another baby is in store for you.
Love and Hugs
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