Life continues as 'normal'. I continue to have my daily nursing visits with daily NSTs I continue to remain infection free and show no signs of impending labour. I feel great if I didn't know that my baby had no fluid I wouldn't have thought anything was wrong. I continue to get biweekly growth scans and weekly BPP ultrasounds and all looks well. On January 4th I lose my mucous plug I make my home care nurses aware and we are not worried. Everything continues as it has been.
Then on the evening of January 8th there is blood present when I am wipe. I call the Early Labour Assessment Unit and explain what is going on and am advised to come in because of my history. I get my second NST of the day baby continues to look perfect and have a speculum exam which doesn't show an obvious source of any bleeding. I am sent home and all continues as normal again until January 12th. I wake up on January 12th with a little more bleeding then Tuesday, but not a large amount. I make my nurse aware and she along with the on call doctor say that where I was just checked out and it isn't a lot that I am fine to stay home and to go in to get assessed if it picks up. My husband comes up that evening and we plan to have a lunch date the next day as my son is away at his grandparents. We don't end up getting our lunch date as I wake up Sunday morning and am laying in bed when I feel a gush. Luckily I was wearing a pad and head to the bathroom where half a pad is saturated in blood. I call my home care nurse and let her know what is going on and she instructs me to go in to be assessed. Another speculum exam and still no obvious source of the bleeding although this time I am being admitted at least for 24 hours. I have a BPP on January 14th that shows that all is still well with baby, and my placenta looks good. So essentially we wait this bleeding out and hope that labour doesn't start. I am just over 33w at this point. My 24 hour admission turns into 8 days as I continue to bleed off and on all week. I am discharged on January 21st at 2pm.
I get back to my brother's house at around 3pm. I start to feel some cramping at around 4:30pm, but I am in complete denial that it could be labour. I don't feel great throughout the evening and just can't get comfortable. I send myself to bed at 8:30pm and I drink a bunch on water and try and lay down for an hour and see if this cramping I am feeling stops. It doesn't and I can't stay comfortable and the cramping becomes more intense and becomes consistent and timeable. My sister-in-law and I head over to the hospital so that I can be assessed. I call my husband and tell him he should probably make his way as he is an hour or more away. I get in and am put on the monitor the nurse doesn't seem too worried. My contractions are not showing up on the monitor, but baby continues to look great. I ask the nurse if she thinks my husband should make his way and she says we can wait because I last ate at around 8pm and even if I was dilating they wouldn't want to do anything until at least 6 hours after I ate which would be around 2am and we could wait until I was checked by the doctor. I call my husband and tell him this as we don't want him to wake our son and come if it is a false alarm. While I am waiting for the doctor the contractions lessen and I am thinking I am glad I told him to wait.
It is just before 12 when I am finally assessed by the resident. He then says he wants to get the staff doctor to check me and requests the bedside ultrasound machine. I knew something wasn't right just by the way that he asked for the ultrasound machine. The staff physician comes and I am 4-5cm dilated with an appendage hanging out of my cervix. Great begin Grey's anatomy like rush to the OR. I call my husband as I am flying down the hall on a stretcher. He isn't going to make it. I also begin to panic. I ask about the NICU team and am assured they will be there. I make sure my sister-in-law knows our resuscitation plan on the off chance I need general anesthesia and prepare to meet my baby with an anticipated NICU stay.
I am unable to sit up to get my spinal so I am laying on the tiny operating table trying to curve my back. I was freezing and the minute the spinal/epi begins to work everything gets warm. I can't stop shaking. For whatever reason one of the thoughts that goes through my head is that I hope that what happens doesn't traumatize the nurses and staff. Maybe because I am a nurse myself and am generally very empathetic, but I thought it was a very odd thought to have. As much as I was hopeful to bring my baby home maybe I intuitively knew that I wouldn't.
I had a vaginal delivery with my son so I had no real expectations about what would happen. I just remember feeling like playdoh. They get my baby out and immediately I hear we have good air entry and I feel this great sigh of relief. The lungs were supposed to be our biggest obstacle. I ask what the sex is because we didn't know. We were never able to find out through ultrasound and no one tells me anything. Then the neonatologist comes behind the curtain. Now based on the discussion I had at 24w I knew this wasn't a good thing. He proceeds to tell me my baby has only one leg and no external genitalia and recommends we remove the ventilator. Which I agree with. Our baby's comfort was always a priority for my husband and I. They bring my baby all wrapped up in a blanket and place them on my chest. My baby takes their last breath there in my arms. I don't even cry. I am just in shock.
My goodness. I am sorry to hear all that you experienced, and my heart goes out to you for your loss. I am a fellow loss mom so I understand the pain well.
My thoughts are with you at this time.
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