• , thank you for this post. I admire your strength so much. It hurts my heart when I read your words "I failed." You did not fail. This is not your fault. I'm so happy you have a strong support system in Matthew and your family and have the amazing strength you do. We are also here for you! I know your post is going to help so many other families who are going through this right now so thank you again for sharing a piece of your heart with us. I hope you keep sharing.

    Sending lots of love to you, Matthew and your family!


  • hi I am very sorry for your loss. We all feel your pain. It took me 2 years to get pregnant after coming off BC. When I found out I was pregnant after trying for 2 years I was in shock and cried so much happy tears of the thought that it finally happened. My sister and parents cried for a whole week because there was going to be a little baby in our family. When I turned 20 weeks I wasn't feeling too good. Started getting pain on and off (which were contractions and I didn't know) and I didn't pay mind to them. I thought it was my uterus stretching since my stomach was HUGE to be 20 wks. I was also discharging on and off all day. (it was actually my water breaking). Later that night I caught a fever. I called my obgyn who told me I can take Tylenol and if the fever doesn't go down go to the hospital. My fever went down about 2 hours later. I went to sleep that night with no pain. I woke up the next morning and I had an appt with my obgyn at 8am to follow up on why I had the fever. My boyfriend left to work at 6am. At about 615am I started getting horrible pain. I had to call an ambulance and rush to the hospital alone. My parents were out of the country and my sister had left to work. When I got to the hospital my baby's heartbeat was there. But they told me my water broke and that I would have to give birth because I developed a bacterial infection that can go into my blood stream. So in other words I Could've died if that happened. My boyfriend rushed to the hospital and so did my sister. All the doctors told us the same thing because my baby was only 20 wks it was too young to be saved. It didn't even have the proper organs to even put tubes in him to save him. We were going to have our gender reveal on July 4th. I went into the hospital on June 28th. We found out we were having a boy on the very day we lost him. I was devastated. Especially, since my boyfriend has a daughter so I am him cry and smile at the same time when he saw he had a son. My dad had me and my sister so when we called Dominican Republic to tell him and my mom we had a boy they were so depressed. That's exactly what my dad wanted. My parents had to take an emergency flight back home and got there later that night. My boyfriend and me had a lot of family come to the hospital and meet our precious tiny little son. We said a prayer for him and our family. We had our time alone with him to say goodbye. I apologized a million times and STILL apologize till this day for not going to the hospital the day I felt the pain. Maybe I could've avoided this. The hospital asked if we wanted to do a private burial. But my boyfriend and me did not have the heart to bury him on our own, so the hospital took him. I feel your pain so much when you say you walked out the hospital the next day with no pregnancy and no baby. It's been 3 months since everything happened to me. I try to be strong, but there are days that I cry and cry at the thought that my first baby God took him from for whatever reason it was. You are not alone in your pain ! I pray every hour of everyday that our little angels bless us again. We have to show our angels that we're tough and if we can handle this we can handle anything that comes to us in the future. I pray peace in your heart and all the luck in the world on your next pregnancy which will hopefully comes soon.

  • you're so strong. Sending lots of love to you and your family! <3

  • Hugs and l ou ve to you.  Maylny of the feeling you wrote about were some of the same feeling I went through 12 years ago when we said goodbye to out daughter.  Know you are never alone in this journey.  

    Much love


  • Hello and welcome. I am so very sorry for your loss of Landon. I lost my first daughter 11 years ago, due to Trisomy 18. In the days/weeks/months immediately after I felt all of the things you are describing. In my truest heart I wanted to be happy for people, as I didn't want anyone to feel how I did, but at the same time I wanted to be happy with MY baby and watching her grow, instead of visiting a grave with flowers every month. Thank you so much for your very honest post about the struggles after losing a child.

    Love and Hugs