Hi, i'm writing this to share my only sisters story. She was scheduled to have her baby shower Mar 23, instead she gave birth to my deceased nephew at 730 pm. On Friday around 8 am she called me telling me she felt pressure, and found it difficult to walk. I asked to call 911 and go the hospital (we live in two different states). She said she would wait for her nurse to call her back, and she would wait for further guidance. The next call I received was around 11am from my mother telling me my sister had lost the baby. She was 34 weeks, and spent all night preparing for her baby shower the next day. I had purchased her a crib, and had it delivered to her home prior to the shower. She was so excited my mom and mother in law put it together and they all face timed me in excitement. I literally have no words. To watch her go through the process of giving birth to my deceased nephew was heart wrenching yet admirable. Her strength was remarkable accompanied by the love and support of her fiancé and our families. She was scheduled to be induced Fri Mar. 28, and her last check up was Tues Mar. 19. The cause of death was found to be a placental abruption. I have so many questions. Why was this not detected , and why couldn't she have been induced on Tuesday. I know this platform is for mothers but I'm just seeking advice on how to console and comfort her. It was a traumatizing experience for everyone involved, and a bit overwhelming for me. I appreciate any and all responses. Thank you :)
Hello and welcome to Share. First, I want to say how deeply sorry I am for the loss of your sweet nephew. No doubt your entire family was waiting to welcome him and now you are trying to find footing living life without him. Second, you're at the right place as loss affects so many members of the family. Let me say that it is just SO wonderful of you to care about your sister and her well-being!
Your heartache reminds me of my own loss. So, ten years ago this month, I delivered a baby boy in eternal sleep at 30 weeks. It was also due to a placental abruption. My only sister was also pregnant at the time and in her first trimester. Loss can do strange things sometimes and it drove us even further apart. I haven't seen nor spoken to her in a decade and I've never met my niece. After a personal attack of words and on the eve of our first March For Babies walk, we parted ways.
I'm sure it has to be overwhelming looking in on someone who is in so much pain. It could be like walking on eggshells. As an angel mom and a sister, know that she will want your listening ear even if it's just to hear her sob over the phone. Know that there is no timeline for her tears and she should be encouraged to get them out when and wherever they happen. It's incredibly hard now, but it can be even harder as time goes on. In time, when the family as a whole seems to naturally focus on other things and cards and flowers from neighbors or co-workers stop, that's when she can use a hug or some kind of note that lets her know that you are still thinking about her baby. Her little one will be on her mind every single day.
Everyone does this journey in their own way. Because we sometimes feel so helpless, we might want to do something for our angel, be busy. She may or may not seem ready for some of this and will have her own wishes so tread carefully. For me, it was doing a walk and one happened to be taking place in our city just a month after our loss. It was comforting to be around other loss moms. Maybe a special frame if she had a picture of him taken. A special necklace with his name, dates, birthstone, footprint, etc. that she can wear when she's missing him. Search 'Molly Bears' and see if that is something she would like. This site has been an amazing line of support as well. Again, you're wonderful for caring the way you do:)
I am so sorry for her the same thing just happened to me and I am finding comfort by hearing stories from people that have lost a baby. It's only been 2 weeks and I am doing so much research it's all I do. ❤
I am sorry to hear about the loss of your nephew. This is a heart-wrenching time for everyone involved, especially your sister. My heart goes out to her.
I am so glad you reached out because it shows how much you love your sister and want to support her. My advice is to just be there. Hold her, console her and let her grieve. Make or send meals if you can. Call just because ... and call often. It seemed for me that once my sons' funeral was over, everyone went back to normal lives and I was stuck.
Maybe you can make a donation in your nephew's name or do something else in his memory.
Thank you for supporting your sister.
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