Mother's day is coming up. It's always bittersweet for me for a few reasons. My very first mother's day, I was in the hospital. Annette had been born two weeks earlier (at 34 weeks gestational), and I went through post partum psychosis, also known as mommy mania. I was so elated that I had a child, I couldn't eat. I couldn't sleep. I had racing thoughts in my head and couldn't keep things straight. I finally ended up having a mental break, and being admitted to the psych ward. They had no idea what to do with me. I was overmedicated within 4 days of being there. I was told I could go home, only to then be told if I signed myself out, they would send DCF to my house. Being utterly terrified, I stayed there and spent my first mother's day without my daughter. I went home the day after. They sent me out with 2 weeks worth of pills, no follow up doctor, and a note to go to out patient therapy. I went to the appointment, still scared about DCF coming. At that appointment, they misdiagnosed me again, and proceeded to tell me I needed 3 hours of therapy a day, 5 days a week. They did not give me a doctor, and told me that I also couldn't just stop these medications. I ended up deciding that this was not the right plan of care for me. I went to my regular doctor, who immediately saw that I was overmedicated. He put me on a wean off therapy, and within 6 weeks, I was back to normal and completely off medication. For the next 2 mother's days, I was reminded of that terrible week in the psych ward and what I went through. Then, I got pregnant and ended up losing my son, Atticus. His due date was right after Mother's Day. As much as I love being a mother, I almost don't want to celebrate mother's day. It is a reminder that I felt like a failure as a new mother when I had to be hospitalized. It is a reminder that I should have two children, but I only have one. But it is also a reminder of the fight I went through to have my daughter. A reminder of the joy she gives me each day. A reminder that despite everything I've gone through, I AM a mother. My daughter is my light that got me through all of that darkness, and I'm happy that I get to celebrate being a mother to one of the sweetest, strongest, independent person I've ever had the delight to come in contact with. Happy Mother's Day to all you mama's out there.
I am so very sorry for the loss of your son. I don't blame you for not being a fan of Mother's Day. Honestly, it's just a day. It's nice that it has a spot on the calendar, and it's a great concept, but when it comes to those in a loss situation, it can be reminder or trigger of a life they lost or something they just can't have. My first mother's day occurred a few months after I lost my daughter, Josie and I was not in the mood to deal with it. It was just a reminder of something I felt I wasn't and could never be. I make a point to have alternative celebrations, I refuse to host grill outs, or clean my house for guests. I spend the day doing something with my mom and daughter, but I make sure its very low maintenance. I hope you enjoy your day doing whatever makes you happy!
Hi and welcome to Share. I am so sorry to read about the loss of your son, Atticus. My angel's EDD was Mother's Day. We lost him in March that year. Mother's Day sure can bring up the best and the worst memories. I am glad that Annette has been your light through it all. I bet she brings you so many smiles:) I wish you a restful day with loved ones.
So many hugs to you. Mother's day will always be a bittersweet day for me as one of my children is not here with me. My daughter passed away after being born 15 weeks to soon. The one piece of advice I can give it to not be so hard on yourself. You have been through so much but like you said you fought and survived. Hang in there and know I am thinking about you and you sweet little ones.
Hi there, thank you so much for sharing your story with us. I'm so very sorry for the loss of sweet Atticus. Mother's day can be a very hard day to celebrate as there are so many circumstances in our life that leave us feeling like we have failed as a mother, or a mother failed us, or we have a lost a mother, or we are trying to become a mother. We are all in this together, to celebrate being a mother each and every day, for all that you have overcome each and every day. Try and celebrate where you are at this exact moment, and be so proud of all that you have been through and all that you have overcome :) So many hugs to you!!!
I am sorry to hear about the loss of your son. I can relate to not wanting to celebrate Mother's Day. I boycotted the day for the past six years. I didn't actually celebrate it until this year. This year I didn't do anything special, I had my mom and step dad over for dinner. I hope that yesterday was a little easier on you and your heart.
You have been through so very much. I'm happy to see you've decided to start a blog. I hope you find some peace and healing by writing and receiving support from all of us here.
I think it's completely understandable how difficult Mother's Day is for you. I say... you mark that day, or don't mark it any way that feels best for you. There are no rules on mothering, especially when you've been through all that you have.
Sending you hugs
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