Tucker Shane

Breathe

  • Hello and Welcome. I am so very sorry for your loss. I lost my first daughter 11 years ago. The simple answer is that it differs for everyone, but truly, the pain of the loss never leaves you. I believe it simply gets easier to carry. It's not as heavy, doesn't hurt as much, but its still there. I'm so sorry that you have constant reminders of your loss all around you. Please know you are not alone.

    Love and Hugs

    Brandi

  • So sorry for your loss I truly understand how you feel I lost my baby boy at 21weeks and also my first baby I truly wished that the reminders could be less constant but sometimes they aren’t and yes it makes you feel alone or it has you thinking about the word without an answer “WHY” if it’s any help for you I suggest talking about your feelings specially with your partner it helps sometimes and if you ever want to speak with someone that understands the heartache if it’s any help you can always inbox me

  • I'm so sorry you're going through this. Like said, you are not alone. We are here for you always! We will virtually hold your hand through the hard days. Your post title is spot on - just breathe. Take it one day, one step, one breath at a time.

    How is your partner doing?

  • Communicating with my spouse is difficult. He's physically in Afghanistan and our communication is limited. So even when we do get to talk I honestly try to keep it light, let him know I'm okay. If he knows I'm okay, HE'S okay.  That's the priority.  I found out we miscarried 3 weeks after he went back this last deployment.  Not having him here had made it even harder I would assume.

    I just feel so isolated. Reaching out to family is futile. No one wants to talk about it or address it. No one wants to even ask if I'm okay. They're not used to the strong one being down and have no idea how to handle it. And the ones having more babies just ignore me altogether. As if keeping me from what's going on in our family makes it better. It makes me feel even more isolated that they don't tell me things anymore. I just feel like an outsider now. More alone than I ever have.

  • I know exactly how you feel. I've been feeling the same way for months. I have been talking about it, but from friends and family I'm starting to get "How long are you *supposed* to be this upset?" They don't understand. I think it's normal to hurt like this, but our society doesn't know how to handle this kind of grief. But you are not alone, and how you feel is normal. That might not help, but I know reminding myself that my feelings and my pain are valid reminds me that, yes, the pregnancy was real. I know what you mean about feeling like there's nothing there to remind you that it was real. And it does feel really important to know that it was real. And seriously what is it with everyone around getting pregnant right when you're going through a loss of this magnitude! I'm right there with you. I feel like within a week of telling my closest friends, I found out three of them were all pregnant. And the co-worker I see the most often is pregnant, but is super nonchalant about it, like makes comments like "Oh yeah, I'll be gone taking care of the baby, I almost forgot!" And it makes me feel completely dead inside. But yeah, you are definitely not alone. And your pain is justified. I'm so sorry this happened to you. You did nothing wrong and you deserve to be happy, and I'm sure it will start to get easier eventually.

  • Perpetuelle, I'm sorry you're experiencing what you are. I know how difficult it is when others around you act as though their pregnancy is no big deal. One of the cousins that just got pregnant with her second, literally did so so she wouldn't have to go back to work right now. Getting babies out of manipulation. It just infuriates me some times. It doesn't seem fair. Thank you for your kind words. It helps to know someone else understands where I am coming from and how I feel. I too, have been getting the brushing off of "how long are you going to drag this out?" I just don't know that you can put a timeline on this type of pain. Is there anything anyone has done or tried that has helped with healing? A remembrance, memorial, I don't know, something?  I feel like the blunt of my pain is subsiding, but I absolutely think of Tuck every day, think of how far along we would be, how life would be right now. Every single day. How our family would be changing. I just wonder what any of you have tried that has helped with healing.