Childless and depressed

  • Welcome to Share. I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your three sweet angels. I, too, am a loss mom to twin boys who were born at 22w5d on March 7, 2007. There are days when I remember everything like it was yesterday.

    This is not the path any of envision having to walk. Be kind to yourself ... and take one step at a time. Grieve when you need to, cry when you need to ... whatever you need to do. You will smile again -- I promise.

    Please check in and let us know how you and your husband are doing.

    erin

  • Thank you for sharing your story. So sorry to hear about your three angel boys.  I lost my son at 21 weeks 5 years ago.  Thinking of you as you are on this journey where there can be good days and then there are really hard days.  On those hard days I always found it helpful to simply allow myself to grieve and try not to feel guilty about it.  

  • Hello. I am so very sorry that you find yourself here writing this story, not with the outcome you had so desperately wanted. I am so very sorry for the losses of your precious babies. I lost my first baby girl, Josie, 10 years ago to Trisomy 18. Please know that we are here for you.  Grieving for a baby is a never ending journey, but it can get easier to navigate, eventually. We are here for you.

    Love and Hugs

    Brandi

  • Welcome to SHARE.  I am so sorry to read about the loss of your sweet babies.  I lost my daughter, Trinity, in 2006,  Please know you are not alone. Sending you so many hugs!

    Much love

    Samantha

  • I am so sorry to hear about your three Angel babies. I lost my daughter at 20 weeks five years ago. This isn't a chosen path. For some odd reason awful things happen that can't be explained. Try to be kind to yourself and remember that you did nothing wrong. This was not your fault. Most importantly you are not alone. Welcome to Share.

    Tamara

  • I am so sorry for your loss.  My son died 5 years ago at 2 weeks ago. It's a journey no mom should ever have to take and it's a long, hard one.  Take it one day at time.  There were days I was taking it one hour at a time just happy to have found the strength to make it to the next hour.   Many hugs to you and we are here for you. Nicki

  • I feel sorry for your babies' loss! This is really heart-breaking. Sometimes you just ask God why all these things happen to us- there are some who would like to abort their babies, and there are couples like you who never give up and take the chances of conceiving even if the mother is at high risk for losing those precious babies. Still the love of a mother to her unborn child will always be there no matter what. I can imagine myself almost 2 months have passed since i lost my 2nd child-after 15 years of waiting. We were both excited when we found out that finally i was pregnant at 37 years old. My baby who tried his best to stay with mommy's tummy for 37weeks though i was diagnosed with GDM. I thought he was God's gift to us, i remembered praising and thanking Him for giving us my Baby Lemuel after many years of praying so hard. Every little detail is ready for his coming. He was a very active baby as i can remember in my womb. Then my last day of appointment came 1 week before my expected delivery date- i was so surprised at how it turned out- suddenly they cannot feel his heartbeat! And they have to double check so they did ultrasound and there i saw my poor baby did not move at all. I thought i was just dreaming because my obgyne told me last week that he is so healthy and everything were normal. Few weeks prior to that, I was excited and waiting for his arrival. I long to be able to have him in my arms and kiss him When the day comes- yes i was able to hold and kiss him for the first and last time but without life. I am not dreaming for sure and i have to accept the fact that the baby in my womb is lifeless and doctor wanted a vaginal delivery despite me insisting to have emergency CS hoping that they can still revive my baby.... im still hoping for a miracle that maybe he will wakeup once he got put from my tummy but doctor did  not give me any hope so i really have to accept this painful meeting with my baby...everyday i miss him and everytime i think of him its very sad and painful to know that i almost have him but God decided to take him away from me. I have a lot of 'why's just like those parents grieving over the loss of their babies or children but who are we to question God's plan? Even though we question Him or we get angry at Him- still we cannot change the fact that our babies are not here anymore- they became our baby angels in heaven and God has greater plans for us. Blaming ourselves is not helpful so try to pray hard and trust Him willfully eventhough we dont understand and we dont know His plans for us- i know in time we will be able to find the answers why God allowed them to happen. We just need to trust Him. Everytime i feel the need to question Him, i just close my eyes and tell myself that my baby is badly needed in heaven more than i need him here on earth. And that God chooses Him to be His soldier because my baby is one of the bravest and so his Mommy too- God knows that this loss i can overcome and He will replace him with someone more special sooner. I hope i was able to give hope and light at the same time for every parent who continue to live and love despite their baby's loss. Our angels will be watching us from heaven.

  • I am so sorry for your losses. I know exactly how you feel. I had a miscarriage in February and gave birth to my b/g twins at 15.5 weeks on July 23rd. The loss is unimaginable, the most painful experience I have ever had...seeing their beautifully, perfectly formed bodies - all ten fingers and toes, noes, mouth, eyes about killed me. I am struggling with all the pain and anger but am still hopeful. I am hopeful for you too, sending you lots of love and prayers. Our angels are watching over us and will give us strength to carry on and move forward. Lots of love.