I was looking through pictures last night of when my oldest son C was a toddler. Having a great time looking at the pictures I was finding as I looked for a specific one. Finding videos and watching them with smiles and laughter with my husband. Total disbelief on both our parts that our now 8 year old was ever that little. Then it happened...I found "the folder" Colin's 3rd birthday. Silence in the room that silent understanding between both my husband and I not to open that folder. Then the other folders labeled big brother, pregnancy belly shots. Those moments when smiles and laughter instantly go way and the thoughts of what our lives used to be like, should be like start creeping in. How blissfully happy we were, how there was a time before our new normal. So I share with you for Infant Loss Awareness month what this month means to me in pictures.
The shirt we bought to announce our pregnancy. The one he wore the day we arrived at the inlaws for Thanksgiving.
My pregnancy, the one that was "perfect" and going just the way it should.
Valentine's day what an awesome day to choose to have your sonogram appointment to find out the sex of the baby. A mom of boys I was to be.
C's 3rd birthday. Our last normal day before our new normal began. We were on top of the world, life was great. We had so many adventures planned for our family of boys.
The day after this picture was taken. The day after we celebrated our son's 3rd birthday with family and friends in the backyard our world changed forever.
I can now say 5 years later I am happy and that life is good. We honor our son Scott with our volunteer work through the March of Dimes. We help others whenever we can. But one thing I can say is this smile, the one in this picture,the one in all my pictures before June 3, 2012, will never shine as bright or be that smile again. There will always be that void, that emptiness that can never be filled, Never able to give me that same smile. I just had to learn to adapt and learn to live my new normal.
I post this not only for me but for all the moms out there, and dads who have these pictures, these moments before there lives changed forever and their new normal began.
Thank you so much for this post. Thank you for being so open, so real about the before and after that is your life. That smile on your face in that picture is so beautiful, but I know that the smiles you give today are just as beautiful, maybe not as bright, but still beautiful as you navigate your new normal and figure out how to parent your two boys, the one here, in your arms and the other in your heart.
So much love always,
So much love to you friend. You are so very right about the moments in pictures that you never knew would become moments. Thank you for sharing both of your boys with us, and for all that you do for the mission.
Love and Hugs
Thank YOU for this one. Yeah, I have these pictures too. Pictures of moments when life as we knew it was perfect, dreams were coming true, and on their way. I'm glad that you have found a smile to flash when feeling happy and a way to honor Scott through MOD. Thank you for sharing both of your boys with us.
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