My son C entered a contest in the fall that Ford was running were you had to create something that would help cities of the future. So of course my son built a city. ( He loves building cities) He won! That phone call had me in shock. Which meant this past weekend we got to travel to Detroit as Ford's guests and have some awesome tours. The night we came home I was telling my son how proud I was of him. Once those words came out of my mouth it hit me...I would never say those words to Scott. I would never get to see what amazing things he would be able to do. It made me sad. It made me angry. I want a life were I can celebrate C's accomplishments without having those overshadowing thoughts yet here is the life we live Here is the life we were given. Always in the background, always in those spaces of our brain waiting to make it's appearances of what should of been. Knowing it will always be there and I just have to acknowledge it, process it, feel it and then move forward once again.
Congrats to C on that city build! That's really cool and how neat that he got to go to Detroit to be recognized. I know, it's unfair. You turn around, stop suddenly, and it just hits hard! I had one of those moments awhile back and for whatever reason the thought was on marriage. I thought, I'd never see him get married. It was weird as to why my mind went to that occasion of all occasions in life, but it was there. Sometimes it's like a double whammy because I think some days my T might not do those things either. Not that one has to get married to be happy, but it's just the loss and/or unknown that makes me anxious and sad. Reality. I'm so sorry for the painful glimpses of what should have been. They are tough and challenge us all over again.
Sending extra hugs this love month,
That is great news for your boy, he will always remember that, and so will you. I think we will all have those feelings of what could have, or should have been. I wish there was something I could say that would make it easier but I am still struggling myself with those feelings. The only thing I tell myself is that it is all part of remembering our little boy, and it helps keep his memory alive in our minds and in our hearts.
Hugs I wish I knew the secret to this. After 11+ years I still haven't figured out how to celebrate milestones without missing those missed memories with Trinity! Heck I got teary eyed with a bag of valentines that Jaxson brought home to day. Those little card with scribbled names.... so simple but something I missed with her! Many many Hugs!
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