As a loss mom new social situations can suck...you dread the questions of, " How many kids do you have?" or any form of that question it will come in...As time as passed I have started becoming more comfortable in new social situations and have learned it's okay when and where I share Scott. sometimes I will answer that question with 2 boys one is in heaven. Sometimes I will just say Colin. When I was early on in my grief the guilt I would have if I answered that dreaded question by saying C was my only one thinking I was not honoring my son properly.
Then yesterday happened...a totally new experience for me. I have come to learn that as a mom trying to meet other moms to hang out with is kinda like dating...trying to find that "perfect" match...and we have been thrown into totally new social situations since we have started homeschooling trying to meet other homeschool families. We had met one mom and her son and daughter at a homeschool event. C really liked her son and the mom seemed enjoyable to talk too. So we got together yesterday at the playground. Sometime in the beginning of a new friendship forming I will share Scott. Yesterday I never felt that " right" opportunity because of the off hand comments this mom kept saying...I really do not think she meant anything by these comments. I think it may be hard for her to be in new social situations and she was just trying to make conversation. But after all the comments she made it made it so if I shared Scott I would be shutting her down and really creating that dreaded awkard situation... She said things like, " Well have another one and you can see how crazy life can get." and other comments to that affect that it just put me in a really awkward situation...Just when you have things figured out. sigh...I keep going over yesterday in my head and thinking should I have just "ripped the bandaide" off but It was just one of those moments I didn't feel like going there...and of course my son can't wait to play with this little boy again.
Yeah, these moments are so tough. I think you did good by holding off sharing. If this person does become a familiar face in your circle, and if she remembers the stuff she says, she should feel like a total you know what if/when you do share. This happened to me awhile back with someone I hadn't seen in over 3 years. I saw her at our grocery store with a little girl in her cart. She knew our story and was in our lives when I was carrying our angel and afterwards. Well, she was filling me in on how she and her family were doing and then made the comment, "It's SO hard when you have three." Yes, I was so planning for that and I'm sure if would have been more of everything, but still wonderful. Sigh.
I've had to bite my tongue a lot so that my child could socialize. This is just what makes you even stronger and such an awesome mom:) Do tell if you get together with this gal again and let us know how it goes.
Yeah I hate this stuff too! I do not like it when people assume I only have one child on purpose or because I can't handle another one (which I might not be able to but not the point). Sometimes its better just to sit back and attempt to ignore the comments and also try to dismiss your thoughts too so they don't nag at you. I agree with Lindsay, just makes us better since we sacrifice our feelings for our kids!
Love and Hugs
I hate meeting new people. I hate being asked how many children that I have. Normally I tell people that I don't have any. It does get a bit awkward when they notice my keepsake necklace. I don't blame you for not sharing. Sharing Scott is special and should be earned. I wish you luck in meeting other moms.
Best of luck,
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