Ethan & Casey's mom

The Sibling Drama Continues -- Three Years Later

  • Oh Erin, I am sending you huge hugs right now!!! I think you might remember that I am living a very similar scenario with my own sister. Urgh. I support you no matter what has been said or written. She should have called you and told you the news. I am not big on texting. She should not have assumed your reaction either. You have forced yourself to be in so many situations for the good of the family. That takes a lot of guts! It is like she does not acknowledge the effort you have made to keep a relationship going. I am glad that you have made a connection with your nephew. If only they could stand in our shoes for a minute, they would see and feel things so differently . . .

    I am in a similar boat, but I am staying afloat! Mine is not expecting or at least I do not think she is having anymore. I actually would not know because I have not seen nor spoken to her in 8.5 years and counting. I know that she gets her "real news" from "Keeping Up With the Kardashians." Her daughter is at-risk for developing alcoholism on not one, but two sides of the family. I was slightly delighted to learn that her chosen name was also the name of a fat feline in a popular movie last summer. I am beyond tired of making things "okay" for everyone else, suppressing my anger at ignorant comments, and putting up with the BS. Too many other important people and things on my fist-sized plate to focus on. Bring out your garlic-y sarcasm and keep the energy vampires away!

    Hugs to you, your girls, your angels, and Dan!

    Lindsay

  • Oh Erin. I'm so sorry. I hope for you and your family that time can help makes the relationship with your sister better.

    Big hugs to you!

  • I'm so sorry Erin. Being a loss mother has forever changed us in ways we hope those that we love or anybody else for that matter have to endure. But unfortunately they do and until someone has been in our shoes only then they will "get it". Hoping your sister's pregnancy goes smoothly and you're both able to put aside those hurt feelings one day. Sending you many hugs.

    Maria

  • Ugh Erin I am SO sorry!! You know my story is very different, but I've had so many similar conversations with family members. Ugh Last year when Tucker was ten it was the worst, maybe because the anniversary of him being ten was a big deal I don't know. But we had lots of conversations like this, and the basic consensus with both families was that DH and I blow everything out of proportion and everyone else walks around us with eggshells. We were just like you, floored. And shocked. None of my sisters have had babies, so I haven't dealt with this exact situation. I love that you are so close to your nephew, even though it's hard.

    Have you seen a counselor at all? Because this is a lot to manage. We saw one last year for a bit, and it reinforced that really it was not us. And that our reactions and emotions were ok for what we had been through. I don't want you to ever blame yourself for your family's odd reactions.

    Yes, living away must help.

    I'm sorry! Huge hugs!!

  • I am so sorry you are dealing with this! For some people, everything will always be about them. Its their world and we just happen to live in it. Some people can just "decide not  to be sad anymore"  while for others that is simply not an option. Loss changes everything. I smile and tell all of my friends and family I am happy for them, but in the back of my mind there is the fear and the worry. I can't imagine if I thought someone would have a child on one of Josies dates and take the day from her. I would also never want to attend a birthday party for a family member or friend that close to Josies dates. I applaud your effort at making amends and your ability to stay civil. I hope its gets better.

    Love and Hugs

    Brandi

  • I really wish I could give you a hug right now...and sharing tears with you.  Our drama is starting again with my inlaws.  They too think everything is about us and why we always have to bring up that horrible thing that happened to us like we should be over it by now...do what is be is best for you and know there are those of us who "get it" I know it's easier to say and do I watch my husband go through the same thing.  We were actually told in an email that they are all tired of walking on eggshells around him...funny how they are the only ones who need to the other people in our life don't.  Something that really helped my husband was he started seeing a counselor again to learn ho to deal with his family, how to communicate more effectively and set boundaries. It really helped him a lot.   Hugs to you, Nicki

  • Ah Erin - I'm so sorry. Sending you so many hugs. Hoping in time, she will at least try to understand the walk in your shoes, and that you can all work out your relationships.  

    Hugs n love -

    D

  • Erin,

    I am so so sorry you have to go through this. It is really so hard for anyone to understand what a loss is like until they go through it. No one in my family has ever experienced any type of child loss, even an early miscarriage so when I had my first one, they were not very supportive. I lost my twins at 15.5 weeks a few weeks ago. Devastation and a broken heart are the understatement of the century. I am lucky to have an amazing family but had they not been there, see them delivered (had no idea I was actually in pre-term labor), I don't think they would be half as supportive or understanding as they have been. Its excruciating, its unfair and I wouldn't wish the pain on my worst enemy.

    I am praying for you and hope that you and your sister can one day reconcile. I hope that it gets better for the both of you and she can come to some sort of understanding as to why you feel they way you do. And you are completely justified in doing so.

    Love and prayers for you.

    Heather

  • My heart hurts for you. It seems like you are in an incredibly difficult "damned if you do and damned if you don't" situation. I'm so glad that you have a connection with your nephew and get some joy from that relationship. And I'm so sorry that your sister isn't willing to take a step back and try to see things from a different perspective.  xo