It's incredibly difficult when you try to help someone you love and they fight you every step of the way.
It's beyond difficult when that person is your own child.
We've been on a really difficult path with Rachel since March. Late April things became more than difficult. She was admitted to the hospital for 2 significant diagnosis (that I still struggle to write). Two diagnosis that will be ever present for the rest of her life. And ours. Once inpatient we added yet another diagnosis. I don't have exact count but that leaves Rachel, my child with six mental illness diagnosis. She spent 8 days inpatient, with limited visiting time with Kirk and I, or our other kids. Once discharged we spent another 7 weeks in an Intensive Outpatient Program working on herself, and learning strategies to help her live in our world. Kirk and I were able to be a part of that program 1x a week, each week.
She was discharged to bi-weekly out-patient therapy sessions 2 weeks ago. And has slowly slipped back into some of her old habits (Kirk and I get some credit for that slip. We have dropped the ball on monitoring - it's easier that way). We've spent days trying to get her back into her therapy guidelines, daily "at home" schedule, and new expectations. And she is fighting us every step of the way. When she fights it's never fair, or pretty.
Not to mention how all of this has impacted our other kids. Trying to give them what they need and deserve, while giving her more than what we have to give. Forget what we have left to give one another.
Share is the space I can write. It always has been. Tonight I'm grateful for that space.
Tomorrow we figure out what to do next.
Oh Karri. So sorry to hear all of this. I can only imagine how difficult the overall impact is on your family. So much love and hugs your way. I know hard it is to keep pushing and keep giving when you're all spent. We are here, as always.
Karri...I am so very sorry that you are going through this. I'm sorry that Rachel is going through it. I'm sorry the rest of your family is being dragged along for the ride. I know that you will absolutely do whatever it takes to get and give Rachel the help she needs but I also know that you HAVE take care of yourself too. I know you know that and I know it's so much easier said than done.
I hope you can take time this summer to just be. To be quiet, to be married, to be alone and to be with those you love. I hope that Rachel can find her peace, her happy place, her strength in you and and your amazing family.
So much love to you all,
Hugs mama, big hugs!! I know this is not what you had planned in life, but I also know that through these life struggles, we find a little bit of strength to get us through each of those hard days and I'm so glad you are here and you can release a little bit of yourself to us. How old is Rachel now? Has she struggled with these all her life? Hang in there, please take alittle bit of time for you so you can breathe and regain alittle bit of yourself again.
Thinking of you and your family,
I just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking about you and your family. I can't even know how it's been, only imagine from what you share here. We can all feel the love you have for each of your kiddos. As you already know, oxygen mask for Mom first, then kids. You're continuing to make so many decisions all the while preparing to send your oldest off to college. Deep breaths as usual, favorite glass of wine, and one day at a time.
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