I suppose I'm extra sensitive right now as I'm in the thick of my terrible loss timeline. So, as it turns out, T's online teacher is pregnant. She announced that to her students well before Winter Break. She is due in late May. She's traveling almost the exact pregnancy timeline I had with Naethyn, but she's 2 weeks behind me. She's having a girl. She's VERY excited as she should be and it's her first. Thinking back to my pregnancies while being a teacher, I only shared my news with my students when my belly started expanding and students who sat up front commented on my swollen ankles. Next, students would ask what we were having before I even knew. When asked during pregnancy, I told them we were finding out on such and such date and they'd know what I was having because I'd start to wear a lot of blue or pink. It was nice that they even cared and it was fun when some would come and find me on campus to see what color I was wearing after having had the appt. I get it. It's an exciting time! I never showed my high school students ultrasound pictures. I didn't think that was appropriate and for me, it was a bit too personal. Well, in this morning's Live Lesson, T's teacher shared not one, but two ultrasound pics to her 4th grade students. I was NOT prepared for that and I don't think that T even knew what he was looking at or why. There was no warning and no opting out. It was there and literally in our faces at 12 p.m. EST.
Now, I've posted an ultrasound pic of Naethyn here on this site recently in a blog post. Does that make me a hypocrite? Am I upset because she's blissfully pregnant and she's naive to anything that could go wrong? Am I upset because she's not even thinking about how sharing her happy news/pics could upset a learning coach at home who has experienced infant loss? Am I upset because 8 years ago yesterday, I had what would turn out to be my own final ultrasound with my baby boy? Am I upset because this teacher is so fortunate to have an online teaching job when I could have used that opportunity 8 years ago had it existed to allow a more successful outcome? Urgh, I'm upset that I have these feelings at all. Crap, it hurts! It's hard to sit and listen to all of it. I have bit my tongue, rolled my eyes, sighed loudly, adjusted my seat, refrained from blurting out awful things, and walked away more times than I ever thought possible. I thought I was safe and shielded in my own home from THIS. We are supposed to attend so many Live Lessons each week, but if each one is going to start with a pregnancy update, I think we'll be logging in late on purpose.
Wow.. I don't think you are a hypocrite, I just think you are a mom who is hurting right now. I have spent the past 9 days in a ridiculous state of up and down moods with outbursts of tears, entire days of general hatefulness all topped with a good dash of anxiety. I do find it slightly odd that a teacher of younger kids would be so forward in talking about her pregnancy when she doesn't even have to, with it being virtual and the kids not likely to ask a lot of questions if they can't even see her belly. She could just be a super open person who wants to share...not sure. In any event, you have the right to avert your eyes and walk away and not listen.
Love and Hugs
Even if you were being a hypocrite (which I don't think you are) this is the place to do it. We're allowed to come here and vent even if it's hypocritical (which, again, I don't think this is. I think you're right about it the whole ultrasound thing being inappropriate, especially for fourth graders. I can tell you right now that my third grader would be freaked out by an ultrasound picture. Her teacher is pregnant too, with her second and all Olivia knows is that her teacher is having another girl (which O thinks is awesome because when you're a ten year old girl, GIRLS RULE!) but her teacher has been great about sharing things as she goes while still being aware of her students' emotional maturity (immaturity?)
I think the fact that this is all happening right along your timeline makes it extra hard but I also think you'd still have been shocked/bothered by the ultrasound pic if it had been shown back in October.
You have to protect yourself. This is a vulnerable time for you and being slapped in the face by this woman's naivety and her blatant sense that bad things just don't happen hurts those of us who KNOW that bad things happen and some of us have lived through those bad things and continue to live them over and over again.
Wishing you peace through this tough time of year.
So much love to you,
I don't think that you are a hypocrite at all. There is always a time and place for everything. I've had pregnant teacher, who never showed their ultrasound to their class. Share is different than anything else. Share is a safe place where we can be "hypocritical", again I don't think that you are. Losing a baby is hard. The day my daughter died is the day my cousin's daughter was born. She texted everyone a picture of her daughter being born. I was so angry that I threw my phone. People who haven't loss a child doesn't understand that not everyone cares that they are happy. I think it's natural. You are trying to protect your emotional health and there is nothing wrong with putting your wellbeing first. Hugs to you.
I don't think you're being a hypocrite. Sharing an u/s photo is typically done out of excitement. She's excited. I think we can all understand that. What not everyone can understand is that someone might not be excited with them. If they've never experienced a loss of a child, or the loss of a healthy pregnancy they have no reason to think otherwise. Being naive can be a beautiful thing, right? Unfortunately for us we don't have that option.
I can understand why you were upset. Especially given the timing of all of this. I'm glad you could come here to share and voice your feelings.... knowing you would be safe.
Hugs to you,
hugs to you. I think you are just going through what I call your yucky/crappy time of year which so many of us have and everything just make us feel over the top emotionally. With my first pregnancy I was so excited and so blissfully unaware what can happen to some women and their babies ( I found out the 2nd one) That I too was bubbly and excited and sharing everything with my students who happened to be 4th graders. Hang in there and wish I could give you a hug in person. Nicki
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