With Halloween around the corner, the thoughts of costume possibilities for three boys always come to mind. Yeah, it is another reminder. This year, they would all be dressing up as characters from Minecraft or from FNAF.
It has been over 8.5 years since we said hello and goodbye to our third baby boy, Naethyn. He is never far from my mind. His older preemie brothers, almost 12 and 10, talk about him more openly than I do now. Their bond just continues to amaze me as I watch them grow up. The way their comments include their angel sibling just warm my heart. They were only 3 years old and 18 months old at the time. Naethyn was born sleeping in the very early morning hours of March 6, 2009. He weighed 3 lbs. 6 oz. just as his birth date. He was delivered 30 weeks to the day. His birth story with many details is on my blog.
Am I still angry about the numerous circumstances that led to his demise, the total lack of concern by that incompetent part-time female OB, the crazy healthcare system in this country, and my family's immediate disregard for the whole situation? You betcha! I lost Naethyn, I gave up the choice medically of ever having another baby, and I almost lost my own life! I lost 60% of my blood that night and if I had waited another 5 minutes at home before making the choice to drive myself to the hospital, it would have been so easy to have slipped away too. I learned early on, that the anger would just consume me if I let it. I had two cuties who needed me and I promised myself that I would do right by them. We lost a lot, but they deserved the very best from me. They were so young. We were just beginning as a family. I had to do something about the emptiness, all of the grief, and all of the comments that would not stop. Days into our loss, I found Share. I had a safe place to unload and I discovered that I was not alone. There was hope in reading stories of other parents who were living without their babies and it helped give me some direction. Now, I have become that parent who is years into a loss journey. I hope that I am giving back as much as I have received. I always aim to.
Every Spring since our loss, my family walks and helps to raise funds for the March of Dimes. We try to get creative each year with input from the kids. We walk in memory of our son and to honor our living sons, born at 32 and 34 weeks. I walk for the babies of friends whom I have met along this journey as well and hold their angels in my heart. Next April, it will be our 10th walk and we're very proud of that. We are involved with a few other non-profits as well that are very near and dear to our hearts. Community, giving back when and where we can, and encouraging kindness is what we try to teach our kids. It helps with the pain and keeps our angel present.
Lindsay, thank you for all that you have done and continue to do for parents new to the journey of infant loss. You are a testament to honoring Naethyn's memory by giving to others. And through your amazing example Naethyn's brothers are learning the most precious lesson of kindness and giving.
Congrats as you approach your 10th March for Babies!
Hi Lindsey. It seems every holiday and event on the calendar reminds us of what we still should have in our lives.
I love that your boys are close and that they talk openly about Naethyn. My girls talk about their brothers alot too, which warms my heart.
Hugs and love to you and your family.
Thank you so much for all that you do! Thank you for being one of the "senior loss moms" for me, letting me know that you can continue on and be a darn good mom too. Halloween gets me too. I imagine me wanting them to be a duo, while Abbey and Josie roll their eyes, in unison, and tell me they are too big for that. I will be thinking of you tomorrow!
Love and Hugs
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