For 10 years I have found myself logging on to this website. For 10 years this has been my safe place. In the beginning I came here because I needed someone to hold my hand through the very dark days of Loss. I needed someone to say that they understood the feelings and tell me that what I was experiencing was in fact normal. I need someone to reassure me that the heaviness would lift. That I would enjoy the sun rising again. Here I found that. In my "real world" as I called it, it was hard to find people who could understand the reality of what I had lost. Everyone wanted a quick fix on how to bring the old Samantha back. That wasn't going to happen. So to this day I try to keep there two world separated. Yes there are many who Know about Share in my "real world", but not all the details of this blog. They know I am passionate about Share as well as the March Of Dimes and that I spend time volunteering.
Over the weekend I sat in a room with the leadership team of this site. Together we worked to find a way to continue to do the work we do here. To offer support to other families that may travel the road of prematurity, birth defects, and loss. Each one of us have our own story. And it just that. Its our story. It the story the lead us each to this very page. No two are alike. Yet each one is important. I can never understand how hard it is to have a special needs child that is constantly taking two steps forward and one step back. I can not understand the battle of dr's appointments, therapies, and the cost of it all. I do not understand how hard it is to have a child with a Birth defect, who battles every single day. Finding the best care, finding what is the best choice of treatment, constantly advocating for your child. I do not understand those whose only child is no longer with us and the option to try again is not on the table. I can not imagine the pain that goes along with that loss. NO I CAN NOT UNDERSTAND IT ALL! But I do understand the loss of a dream that began the moment you saw those two pink line. I do understand that feeling of not knowing whats next. I understand not getting that picture perfect pregnancies and deliveries you see on TV and movies. I do understand that feeling that as a mother, I would give anything including my very own life, to protect my child.
So although there is so much that I do not understand. I know that I'm here. I am here to offer support where I can and if all I can do is offer a hug because I do not understand than a million virtual hugs I will send. I realized years ago that I can let my loss define who I am. I can not change my story. But I can use my story to help others and continue the mission of the March of Dimes. I can use my story the reach out to someone here who may be as lost as I was 10 years ago.
Hugs to you friend. That is what I choose to do as well use my story to help others and make change. It's all we can do with the cards that were dealt to us. Nicki
I really wish I would have come back to Share sooner and been more involved 9 years ago. Being a part of this community is teaching me so much, about myself and others. I can only hope that others can be helped in a small way when they read my story.
Love and Hugs
Thank you, Sam, for everything that you do, here and at home and for everyone who knows and loves you. You have such a huge heart and your empathy is so strong. I want you to know how much you are appreciated and loved.
We all must live our own stories but having someone, anyone, out there who can stop for a minute and grieve with us, or cheer with us or just sit quietly with us while we figure it all out...that's priceless.
Thank you for being that someone to so many of us,
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