This year was the first year that I have celebrated Mother's Day in the past six years. When you are the mother of an angel baby you are often forgot about on Mother's Day and I personally hated the day. It was just another day to remind me of what I was missing out on, not that I needed to be reminded. This year I had reason to not be as bitter about Mother's Day. I celebrated the day for Landon. As Landon develops and my love for him grows so does the sadness that I have for Allison. The more I experience with Landon the more I realize what I missed out on with Allison. Landon is now 8.5 months old, crazy how fast the time goes, he is starting to be more mobile and vocal. He has a silly personality, he sticks his tongue out constantly. He has a contagious laugh and is extremely curious. That's all things that I had to miss out on because of Allison's death.
This year I had more people wish me a "Happy Mother's Day" now that I look like a mother to the naked eye. Some people wished me a "Happy First Mother's Day". I just responded with a polite "Thank you". I am always torn when people don't give Allison's life any value. I am upset when someone doesn't remember Allison or think that her life doesn't matter, but I am also happy that they don't understand. If they understood then they have also loss a baby(or babies). I try to remind myself that I don't want anyone else to have to get on this endless rollercoaster ride of Grief. So I ignored it.
When you have your rainbow baby you should be welcomed to purgatory, you are forever stuck between two worlds: the world of grief and the world of motherhood.
I'm glad that you didn't hate the day quite as much this year. Your last line is very well put- I completely get it. I spend every year eternally grateful for Abbey's life and all that she is to me, while mourning Josie and wondering what her life would have been. Thanks for the update on Landon- I hope he continues to amaze you and bring you so much joy.
Love and Hugs
Sweet pea I'm so happy that you had the opportunity to have sloppy kisses from Landon this year. I hope it softened the blow a little. I know you were probably reminded that day in the back of your mind that Allison is not there. I could see how difficult it must be to be so devoted and love Landon but still mourning Allison. I pray as the years fly by that it gets somewhat easier. We never get over, but we get through.
Love and light,
Oh my goodness.... Landon is precious. Love that sweet little face. I'm glad that you're finding happiness in mothering him, but understand how bittersweet it all must be.
Sending hugs to you
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