Every year I dread Mother's Day. The mother of angels are often forgotten about and all of the social media post reminds me of what I have missed out on. Allison would be five this year, she would have been in school and we would have attended Muffins for Mom.
This year was a little different. This year I am pregnant, although not everyone knows yet in regards to social media. I work at probation center which is an alternative to jail or a requirement for probation. There are female residents and male residents, who just now put the pieces together that I am pregnant. The females all wished me a happy mother's day "since now I am technically a mom". I thanked them, it would have been a little unprofessional to go into a rant about how Angel Moms are moms too. And they don't really know about the loss of my child. One of the females went to the same high school as me so she knows about the death of Allison. But unless you have loss a child you don't truly understand.
With me being 21 weeks pregnant I am officially further along than what I was with Allison. I have a little baby bump that is now pretty noticeable. I look pregnant now and not chunky. I have been asked if this is my first pregnancy and I have just been saying yes. It's easier and I am told that I am extremely blunt. A lot of people take it weird when I say that I have one daughter who is dead. I forget to sugar coat things. I learned a long time ago that I don't need to Share Allison, it's okay not to. I don't love her less, her life didn't mean less if I don't share her. Strangers don't validate her life. I validate her life. Her family does. Travis does and soon Landon will too.
Update on Landon:
He is now a week ahead in development and in the 85 percentile for growth and development. His heartbeat is 158 and he is extremely active. He weighs 15 ounces, which is crazy since at 20 weeks Allison was only 9.5 ounces. At my last ultrasound they couldn't get any good shots due to him moving around. At one point he pushed the placenta out of his way and had his knees to his forehead. My due date is still September 24th and they are still monitoring my cervix. So far everything is going well.
Congrats on your pregnancy!!! It's not that far away! I remember those days about not getting into my child that I lost. Sometimes the reactions from others can be too awkward. I look forward to hearing more about Landon!
SO happy that everything is going well for you. Keep us updated.
Love and Hugs
Sending you a lot of hugs and love!
Keep us updated!
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