I am so glad that the holiday season is over. No more baking, outfit planning or parties to attend. The holidays always suck for me. Last year I had an early miscarriage a day or two after Christmas. I watch my nieces and nephew playing with their gifts and observing the love that my sisters have for their child(ren). I watched my older sister juggle a two, almost three, year old and a one, almost two, year old. I watched my younger sister play with Elsa dolls with my niece as she danced in a circle listening to "Let it go". In those moments, although joyful, had a bit of jealousy. My daughter was dancing in Heaven with her brother or sister, instead of dancing with her cousin.
Today I had my final Christmas party with my Grandparents, who always have theirs after the New Year. I played with my younger niece and nephew, who really enjoys espresso. My sister watched her kids and when she had to take one to the bathroom she would ask me to make sure the other one was safe. She did her role as a mother and I couldn't be more happy and proud of her. Today my cousins were there as well. My younger cousin is engaged to a girl that no one likes and has a baby with. They didn't look after their son. They remained in the kitchen while their son in the living room. They didn't even watch him open gifts from my grandma. Some how he managed to put a piece of paper in his mouth. My sister yelled that he was choking and removed the paper. My cousin and his girlfriend didn't even move. Instead they laughed. My cousin was too concerned with gun on his hip to watch his son. I am ashamed that people like that can be parents. I am jealous that people who can't even watch their son get to keep their child. I of course voiced my opinion, but was told that because I don't have a child running around and getting into everything that I am not a parent and have no right to voice my opinion.
No matter what anyone says I am a mother. My child did exist. I heard my daughter's heart beat, I felt her move inside of me. I held her as she died. I am a mother. I am a parent that sees what other people take for granted. I am an Angel Mom.
I hope that everyone had a good holiday and year that brings a little less heart ache.
I am so sorry that your cousin and his girlfriend are such awful parents. This world is so unfair. And the fact that people would tell you that you don't get to have an opinion since you don't have living children is just so wrong.
Your daughter is real. She is loved. You are a mother who would give anything, ANYTHING, to hold your children one more time. we know this. You know this. People who don't know this are ignorant and should be ignored.
Wishing you the best in the new year,
All I can do is send you a million hugs! It has to be tough! So much love and many many hugs! Samantha
I have family members who don 't understand it either. I've met people along the way who just can't empathize. It can be so hurtful and upsetting. Each day you breathe without her is a milestone. I hope that you can find a way to shield yourself from the ignorant comments.
Best New Year wishes and hugs,
I, too, am glad the holidays are over because of the emotions that bubble up.
I am sorry that your cousin and his girlfriend are lacking in the parent department. I wonder myself why people like that get to have children so easily.
Your daughter is indeed real, and you will always be her mom. Never doubt that for a second.
Much love to you.
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