It's been forever since I've posted on here. I've tried but it's been hard.
I remember having so much more to say then I get in front in front of my laptop and can't seem to get them out. I hope some of you get it, and if you do I'm sorry that you sometimes also feel that way.
A couple of weeks ago I did type up a post, I'll do it under my notes because I'll either get too emotional and stop at the beginning and then say I'll get back to it when I'm in a better state of mind. I typed it up and read it a coupe of days ago and it really did bring a big smile to my face because it took me back to the moment I was in as I typed out just how happy I was.
I was pregnant. I was 4 weeks pregnant and knew this was the only place I could share it and not feel like I was ahead of myself. But I was just so happy.
A few days later on the morning I was to meet my high risk OB, it all went downhill. I knew what was happening. I knew it in my heart. My hubby took me to the nearest hospital which is like ten minutes away but living so far from my family made it even harder. We moved further to the North so getting to my mom's house would easily take an hour or more. So off to the hospital we went with both boys that happened to have no school that day. Loosing my pregnancy was hard enough but having to take the boys along and have my husband sit in the waiting room with them while the doctor confirmed I was miscarrying made it even harder.
Some days I feel as though my body keeps failing me and sometimes there are days when I know I have no control of this. We have no control of this and I'm just trying to remain positive. I was so heartbroken but I'm so proud of myself for staying strong. I didn't want my mind to shift off and be in that dark place again. I just wanted to be able to mentally function for my boys, for my family and I'm doing just that.
It's funny how things work because ever since we moved I stopped receiving monthly newsletters from the hospital we lost Luis in and just a few days ago I received an email. I'm trying to get more involved with their perinatal support group and I think I'm finally being headed towards the right person again since they made so many changes. I'm looking forward to helping other parents that unfortunately have to endure what so many of us have.
My boys have been keeping me busy as well. Christopher is getting ready to head into middle school and my mommy heart is just not ready but I'm excited for him. We're hoping to have a good IEP meeting next month and hopefully that transition goes smoothly. Johnathan is also doing great and having a blast in Kindergarten this year. It's been really nice to see his progression with speech and therapy has definitely helped him tremendously. And..... I am now the PTA Co-President for their school. I'm stepping into that position with a lot of nervousness but overall positivity.
The boys and I had a really nice trip to California during Spring Break and let me just say how special it is to see family members that you don't usually. We had such a good time.
HUGS AND LOVE!!!! I wish I could hug you in person. Please know we are always here when you need us... when your ready!
What beautiful pictures! I hope you had an amazing time in California!
hugs to you. Nicki
So many hugs to you. Good luck with your new position with the PTO, you are much braver than I to take on that role! I agree with Sam, we are here when you need us, always.
Love and Hugs
Maria, it's always good to read a post from you:) Hugs! It sounds like it was a nice break in CA. There's always something so calming and peaceful about the ocean. Congrats in your new role! I know you're creative and have lots of fun ideas.
Awe Maria. Hugs to you. I am glad that you posted. What lovely pictures of your boys.
Hi Maria, nice to see a post from you. I understand about wanting to post, getting your thoughts together, and then walking away. That's quite OK.
Hugs and love you. Congrats on the PTA position!
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