8 years ago today, Abbey took her first steps. I know this because facebook told me so, (not because I'm crazy) and I am really glad I had the foresight to post that, even before Timehop or "on this day" was a thing. I had been waiting for her first steps for awhile because once she was able to move just by crawling and scooting, she never wanted to stop. I was always so envious of people who could just snuggle and hold their babies all the time. If I wasn't somewhere I could let her down I was definitely screwed. She would fuss and whine and cry and have a nice little fit if she couldn't move her body and get into something to play with. I see other moms who take their babies and toddlers out places without a bag full entertainment tricks like snacks/toys/light up things/ and am in absolute awe. Since her ADHD diagnosis 2 years ago and all the reading and research I have done since, I now know that all the signs were there. Her psychiatrist told me at our last appointment that new studies indicate diagnosis in children is possible at age 3, and not treating them actually causes more long term problems such as anxiety and depression. I'm going to assume when he said treatment that he was referring to the non-medicinal options as well. Luckily Abbey hasn't seemed to have any issues that are affecting her socially or causing her to not have friends. Her teacher said she is social and friendly with everyone and its nice to have a child in class they know can get along well with everyone.
This year was her last K-3 Christmas program, next year she will move to the Spring program with the other "big kids." I have been wondering all year if this was the last one for Santa and the Elf. I watched her last night at her Dance Competition Team Christmas Party and the obvious differences between her teammates and the "big girls" are less obvious now. I watched her perform/ show her routines for the big girls and her inhibition was basically gone. She was definitely performing and giving it her absolute best effort and what she lacked in footwork in a few moments she made up for in style and performance. I stood there watching and my whole body is tense, still, after all these years (6) of watching her dance. I wonder if I'm the only mom choked up and in awe that my baby is now 9 years old and is executing dance steps that make my head spin, while only 8 years ago she took her first steps as a tiny human. Her first steps were fluid and it was only a day before she was basically running.
She's 9 and Josie should be 11 in January. Sometimes I forget, I really try to forget at her programs when I see the siblings together for pictures. Her dad actually attended this year and made a point at the end to ask if I had been to the cemetery lately. Of course I hadn't and I was worried something was wrong. He said that one of the other parents decorated all the babies' graves with a Christmas ornament, and he wanted me to know he kept it and would give it to Abbey. I was kind of taken a back but just said, "yeah I'm sure she will like that." Although I'm not so sure. I always hope she doesn't think she is living in a shadow. She does get upset if I don't acknowledge Josie when asked if she has siblings. She hasn't figured out the awkwardness yet when I have to say yes but no not alive. Its nice she wants to remember her sister but once again, we have to deal with the emotions of others too.
This post doesn't really have a point...just a lot of thoughts and ramblings brought on by my disbelief that Abbey can be 9 this year....
Dance Mom---- I'm sure all of those moms have at one time or the other wondered where the time has gone, but those memories may not mean quite the same thing to those who haven't experienced your situation. I think I look at things way differently than others because of Taylor's death. It's those little things that nobody else thinks about! Ansley does the same thing about mentioning Taylor to others when asked about siblings and she's 14 .....so proud of her sister and doesn't want her to be left out. Hugs to you as you watch Abbey grow and change!
I know it's 8 years later but I still want to congratulate you and Abbey on those miraculous first steps! My own daughter is 5 and I totally feel you on that awe and choked-up feeling -- sometimes even when I just feel her breathe. Happy 9th birthday to Abbey and hugs to you!
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