I have mentioned in past posts that Abbey is seeing a therapist/counselor for the emotional outbursts and sadness/anxiety she has over her dad being gone right now. He is very nice and she trusts him and likes talking to him, so I am happy with it as well. Her outbursts have decreased significantly at school. Her most prominent outbursts occurred during dance competition (more on that later) but I will attribute that to nerves and high adrenaline. When we first met with him he spent about 15-20 minutes with me alone, discussing why she was referred and things he should know about her etc. I'm focusing on Abbey and being a mom when the question comes flying at me, " so how long have you had anxiety?"
I was so taken aback. I stammered..."um...well I started taking meds when Abbey was a toddler....and it was diagnosed as PMDD by my Ob/Gyn.....and its totally fine. " Ha, me totally fine!! I must have thought it was his first day.
Then the next question really threw me... "so you had another child that died?"
The only reason Josie's story (abbreviated) is in the paperwork is because Abbey does talk about it and get sad about it so I thought it was important. ".....yes she had Trisomy 18, lived for 9 days, ..."
"And how did you deal with that? What help did you seek?"
"It's likely you have had anxiety all of your life, and it makes sense that when she was a toddler you couldn't handle the chaos, I assume putting order to things is what keeps you calm, you're very organized."
In my mind: " Ok Mr. Super psychoanalyst, back to the kid"
Since he is apparently intuitive and awesome at his job, I entrusted Abbey's therapy to him with open arms. I just sent him an email which reminded me I needed to blog.
This week was a little rough on her, and she had one bad evening after a wonderful day off school where we visited friends and went out to lunch and to the park to enjoy the nice weather. She started crying about missing him, but ironically didn't want to honor their scheduled skype session. She said that she was just too sad and it would make it worse. (more contact through me as her ipod was dropped and the screen shattered, I get to replace that now too) I think the therapy is helping her because instead of keeping her feelings inside she is brave enough to tell me what she wants and not hold it inside to make anyone else happy. Her dad was fine with it; until the same thing happened the very next day. This time he was insistent, " you said 6:30, I scheduled my break around this, etc." She was trying to hide in her closet to not talk. I tried to coax her out and find out why in the world she was so worried about talking to him. "...I just don't feel like it mommy, I don't have anything to say." It could be as simple as that, or it could be deeper, hence my email to the therapist.
Now, I think most moms have dealt with a fair amount of rejection from their kids and lived through it. Abbey prefers my best friends and "her Denny" to my company all the time. I get over it. However, Mr. Ego can't accept this. I have no idea if he has any remote empathy for her about all this. He assumes that I am " poisoning her mind against him, using his absence as an opportunity to turn her against him, I am pure evil and everything wrong with the child support system, filling her head with lies and trying to cut him out." That text was so insane that I actually laughed out loud when I read it. Obviously, I'm paying hundreds in therapy and using my sick time at work and running all over the place because him being gone is the perfect opportunity I have always waited for.
I think that his absences over the years and his part time parenting, only being around for the fun stuff has resulted in him not knowing or understanding her the way I do. I also don't think she is as comfortable around him as me or even Dennis. I'm not sure it has even crossed his mind that she could be angry or resentful that he is out of town, and maybe as she is getting older and more emotionally mature she is going to question his choices to do this job and have a career that takes him away from her. I would. I did. I ended the relationship because I knew that she and I would never be his priority. I'm over it, but how do you explain that to a little girl whose dad has told her " I love you more than anything" her whole life, and now his actions seem to prove otherwise? I just hope the therapist can help her resolve any conflicts she has with all this and that her dad will come to terms and realize I am not the enemy here.
The first dance competition went very well. I of course could barely see the first dance routine through my tears. I was so proud of her. She smiled and danced and kept going. All the moms were high-fiving an crying that they made it. The received High Gold for jazz and Gold for tapp. This was a smaller competition that our company hadn't been to before so no one knew what to expect. I think they did wonderful for their competition debut. I'm hopeful for high marks and perhaps a trophy for them at the next one. It was a day full of drama, nerves and hairspray! I have never seen 5 little girls more wound up about their make up and being on time and how to balance their hats and their buns! I found out later that Abbey was so nervous backstage she was visibly shaking and her instructor had them doing jumping jacks to calm down. Abbey told me later she would enjoy the next one more because she knows what to expect and isn't as nervous to dance for the judges again. I'm so proud of her! Dance has helped her conquer so much and I am so grateful that she is pursuing it. In fact, I think its better than talk therapy sometimes.
Before the Jazz routine- "Jail House Rock"
So glad that Abbey is doing so well! Love the attitude in the picture, looks like she has sure has some confidence! My seven year old is in an Elvis Stage so love that it was Jail House Rock! That's all tha we hear in our house these days, lol! Glad to hear that the therapy is doing well and she is expressing her emotions more, too bad about her dad giving you trouble. Hopefully things get better soon with that!
She looks so cute in her dance costume:) I bet once the nerves settled, she had so much fun! She's right, she now knows what to expect and she'll be even more prepared for the next one with those judges. Yay for dance! I'm sorry that her Dad is causing added stress. I'm so glad that she's got both you and Dennis. I'm surprised that the therapist asked how you dealt with the loss. I'm guessing he meant initially because it's an ongoing thing. I like things organized too and I always have. I thought it was the German in me, "alles in Ordnung" kind of a thing, but I'm sure there is some truth with the anxiety component for myself as well. I'm glad that she feels comfortable talking to the guy and that it's helping. Always good to get those words and feelings out:)
I would have been so taken aback with the questions from the therapist directed at me. I had a similar situation this week with Colin's therapist asking me questions about Scott. I guess it's good to have direct doctors but wow...she looks adorable in her costume. Sorry you are having to deal with everything with her dad. Nicki
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