Last night was the scariest night yet...my boys came to visit around 7 & I was enjoying them so much. My 5yr old had a moment for a minute because he wouldn't listen & kept trying to get things after we said "no" to him. He looked at me & I saw his tears coming in & I knew right there what was wrong...I was watching my strong little man struggling with the fact I was here & I couldn't come home & he was having a hard time with it. I read him real good & my heart sank. Instead of being hard on him for not listening I was thankful it dawned on me why he was fighting back tears & acting that way so I had a little talk with him. I told him that I knew it's very hard for him to have me here & not have me around anymore at home & that I needed to be here to make sure baby Eden was okay. I told him that our baby Eden will be here very soon & that as soon as she came I would be able to go home & that he would be able to meet her & see what she looks like. & that until that happened I needed him to be strong for me & do me the favor of being good & listening like he always has. He calmed down & I just held him. After talking to him a little more & seeing he felt better, my 3yr old was starting to ask for attention because he was done with a puzzle he had been playing around with. I was so happy he was being so good & he kept telling me "I so proud of you mommy" so many times & according to him my eyes are green (I have light brown eyes) & I have three eyeballs! Hahahaha
But a little after 8 after he gave me one of his amazing hugs & he started to climb off the bed I felt weird...like a gush of something started to come out & I waited for him to be away from my bed & I turned & looked at my boyfriend & I said just loud enough for him & his mom to hear that I thought I was bleeding again. His mom turned towards the boys to keep them busy while my boyfriend checked. He said he saw something but wasn't sure & since I couldn't see myself he grabbed his phone & with the camera on I was able to see it was new blood...a decent amount. Right there we realized it was time for the boys to leave so they wouldn't panic, especially my oldest.My baby wasn't too happy about leaving, he started crying a little so I held him until grandma was ready for him & I just kept telling him I loved him & I would see him again soon. We waited for them to be out of the room so I could call the nurse & I just prayed it was nothing bad. The nurse came in right away & when she took off my pad, it was filled with even more. As she changed my pad more started to gush out staining my underwear & the bed & I started to freak out. In a matter of an hour I had gone thru THREE pads & we were worried she would be born. That has been the most I have bled since I have been here, let alone while not even moving & doing anything off of my bed. By 11:30 it started to calm down a little & the fourth pad was still only stained by drops. I still had contractions here & there but nothing bad enough to alarm anyone that wasn't me.
I eventually went to sleep after 1am, the bleeding had eased down enough to where it was pink on the toilet paper & not staining my pad. I had such a hard time sleeping during the night, I was very paranoid & I couldn't get comfortable. At 4am it seemed like the bleeding was going to start again when I went to use the bathroom but I just didn't bother getting up after that, I was too scared to. So far right now I haven't bled...but I'm scared what happened last night will happen again. I haven't been feeling so great with all these bleeding & my self esteem is way below the floor...I don't feel great about anything.
I can't imagine how hard all of this is for you and the anxiety and worry it is causing. Keep taking it one day at a time. Glad your boys were able to visit and hope that brightened your spirits a little. many hugs. Nicki
I am sure this is so scary for you. One day at a time. Glad to hear that your family was able to visit.
Oh I'm so sorry for the rough night! I'm so glad that things calmed down eventually. Hoping it's the last scary night for you for awhile. Many hugs, deep breaths and one second at a time.
Hi again. I just caught up on your posts. I am so sorry about your night and the emotions its bringing on. I'm glad you had some time with your boys and that they are able to brighten your day. Hoping for no more scares for awhile. Keep us posted.
Love and Hugs
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