It has been such a roller coaster lately, I really don't know how I still manage to walk around & do things. I've been under so much stress that I've been snapping at people & I really don't like it. It goes from personal stress to lack of sleep during the night. Today was one of those days & I felt horrible. I just don't know what to do anymore. I keep thinking about the stress class I had in the hospital when it was just me during group time & I try to do it but it's tough. My mom has been over to visit for a week or so now & she leaves Monday. She has been helping me out a lot but has also been getting on my nerves. I'm glad she has been here because she gets to see the chaos I go thru every day & understands me a little more. I just don't know what I will do once she leaves, I will be more overwhelmed than I am now.
All in all, baby girl is doing so well! I give her gripe water every now & then because she has gas problems & she will randomly start fighting with milk that will come up out of nowhere & come out her nose sometimes & you will hear her trying to swallow & breath while all that is happening. But she is doing so good! She is so beautiful & I feel so lucky. I'm thinking of going back to work but I really don't want to...so I was thinking of doing a job from home but I have NO idea what sort of jobs I can do from home. I'm sure once me & her work thru a schedule we can both adjust to we will be fine. Since we have been so busy going back & forth still trying to empty the old place because I have to give the key back next month, she sometimes sleeps all day since I'm in a car moving back & forth. She has peed & pooped several times on me shocking me because I'm mainly not looking when it happens but I end up laughing telling her she got me. She is starting to stay awake a little & look around & just hangout for a little while before going to sleep. I don't know if today she did it in the car because I didn't cover the car seat on the way to the old place but she was awake!! My OB appointment was on Tuesday & they said I weighed exactly 150, less than what I weighed when I got pregnant!! We were very happy about that! My OB said for the first time herself how dangerous my situation was, that I could've died...she never said that in the hospital! She was very glad I made it & survived & the baby was healthy & has done wonderfully. She gave me a big, giant hug! She has never hugged me before...that made me very happy! I'm glad everything went well & we made it. We are still trying to make it every day but we are taking it day by day as the minutes go by. If I feel like I can't do something or feel too tired to move, I just listen to my body & try to relax.
My main struggle has been my 3yr old. He has been having a lot of ANGRY tantrums that a normal toddler wouldn't have & he has been hitting his older brother a lot & usually this happens when baby girl is crying & I get stuck trying to deal with him while trying to calm her down & having my 5yr old demand attention at the same time. Sometimes I tell myself I wish I wasn't breastfeeding so I could have a well deserved cup of wine when everyone is down but I'm glad I'm able to breastfeed so I just deal with it. I just wish it wasn't so hard with his anger...it has made me cry a few times in front of him because it's just so much for me. But I always tell him how much I love him & how I'm sorry he's angry. Then when I see his smile, it makes me happy. I can't wait for him to be over this if this is some weird stage my oldest didn't have...I have even been considering looking for a counselor for him!
Anyone know of any good jobs I can do from home? I have no idea & it's really stressing me out.
Sorry to hear about all the stress at home. I don't know a lot about work at home jobs, but I do know you have to becareful when searching because so many of them are scams. I heard that Amazon was hiring work from home employees but not sure where. While your 3 year olds tantrums seem angry they are likely him adjusting to all the new things around him, new house, step-dad, baby sister etc. That's a lot for a little one to process. I think once he realizes that certain things are constant he will calm down a little. As always your pediatrician is your best person to ask. Try to take some time for yourself and just breathe a little.
Love and Hugs
Thinking of you, I know these times are stressful. I find myself thinking back on those first few months of having newborns and I remember feeling the anger too, and that I just needed to let it out and know that it will pass one day when things calm down and everyone is sleeping! I am not sure of jobs at home, but what is your background in?
So glad you come to Share and feel safe here to vent. I am so sorry to hear about your struggles at home. I know all to well it isn't easy. Just try to take it one day at a time, know that we are here for you and you are not alone.
Sorry to hear things are stressful for you! I agree with Brandi below be careful looking online for at home job I have known people to be scammed. I hope your 3 year old starts to adjust to a new home, new baby, ect. Its hard for them to understand so much change. I hope that you are able to figure everything out soon so you are not so stressed. Also give yourself a break you have been through A LOT and I think anyone in your shoes would be a stressed.
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