Since I last posted a BUNCH has happened! Last Thursday I was getting ready to head to the hospital with some milk & I was planning on being there at 9pm so I can try to latch her on for her feeding. Right when I got to the car I got a call from PCN & I told the nurse I was actually on my way to them right now & the nurse asked me if it was to pick her up. I asked what she was talking about & she said that baby girl had gotten discharged!!! I was super excited & couldn't wait! But I asked if they could hold her until tonight so my boyfriend could walk her out because he was working at that moment & they said it was fine. He already knew about my plans of staying there from 9 until he got out of work & got to the hospital past 11pm. I had some anxiety after hanging up with PCN because they had discharged her without warning & I wasn't ready for it...none of us were. We were planning on moving to the new place during the weekend & Friday we were going to go to the new place & start painting. But all plans had to change now. I never told my boyfriend that he would be picking both of us from the hospital, I wanted it to be a surprise. I told her nurse & she laughed & called me evil & she told the other nurses & they were blown away & laughed pretty hard. He kept asking me that night when would she be able to come home & if they had said anything since they told us that by the end of the week she would be discharged but I told him I didn't know. When he arrived I was super nervous but excited! I gave him a big hug & I told him "guess what?" & he asked me what & I told him "you're taking both of us home". He seemed a bit confused but then he was super excited! He asked me how long did I know for & I told him since noon-ish & it had been so hard for me to hold it in & I had told his mom to not tell him anything. He just laughed & called me crazy but that he had sort of figured out I had something up my sleeve when I asked him to bring up the stroller with a crazy excuse hahaha. When it was time for us to go & we got in the car he was all giddy & goes "ooooooooh myyyy GOOOOOOOD! There's a baby in my car!!! I got a baby in my car!!!" & I was cracking up because he was a bit nervous but excited with a whole lot of other emotions running thru him! He asked if I wanted to go see my nurses or if any were there since it was on the campus & I told him yeah! We went up to the place I had been for the month & some change with the amazing nurses that took care of us. I was so excited he let me do this because it meant a lot to me & I was surprised he had brought it up...I had told him that the day she got discharged I wanted to go up there & visit them. One of my night nurses was there & she was so excited that I had brought up Eden to meet her. She said it was a rare occasion because like they had told me while still pregnant they never get to meet the babies & the mom's never bring them over like that for them to meet. So I kept my promise & brought her in, even tho it was one nurse that was able to meet her.
That first night home was so scary! I forgot how paranoid I get with a newborn at home & I was a mess when it came to bed time. It was midnight when we walked thru the doors with her & everyone was sleeping. When he went to bed, I tried feeding her & it was a tricky thing because she wasn't used to my nipple. The nurse had asked me if I had any pumped milk at home & I said no so she gave me a box of ready to drink formula. I didn't want to use it because of my momma ego & I didn't want to feel let down for giving it to her so I kept trying. At one point I fell asleep breastfeeding her & I had a horrible nightmare...I jerked up very hard & I grabbed her from beside me & was worried sick about her but she reacted to me moving her the way I did & it put me at ease. But after that I didn't sleep, I was up all night. When I realized she had been okay, the pain came thru & I realized I had hurt my stomach real bad from the way I jerked up straight from laying down. During the day Friday I went against my ego & gave her the bottle of formula & ordered the free kit for backup. I wanted to cry because I was doing that & I felt like a terrible mother. Eden slept so good after I gave her the formula, she slept for 4-5 hours! I felt defeated. But my mother in law, my boyfriend, & my friend told me it was alright. That it didn't make me less of a mom & it didn't mean anything, that I shouldn't be hard on myself for getting the extra help from the formula. Saturday came & it was moving time!!! I felt bad that I couldn't really help & that she needed my attention so much while my friend & my boyfriend did all the moving. I helped in what I could but I had a lot of discomfort in my stomach so I stood on the side most of the time. Saturday we all stayed at the new place & then continued the move/painting until Monday morning. Monday morning my friend had to head back to NC & I was home alone. I felt like crying because I was in a strange place on my own with her. The next few days it was so tiring. She kept me up at night like a typical newborn does & one night he was able to see what I was talking about...he napped during the day & he wasn't heavy sleeping like usual during the night so every time she woke up crying he would hear it. So he was more understanding as to why I'm always so tired during the day & sleeping when I can during the day.
Weds we made the decision of having the boys here for the first time in the new place & I wanted to see if I could handle all three on my own & give his mom a very well deserved break. I was a bit nervous because I didn't know how my 3yr old would react to her...but he completely blew me away. He is completely in LOVE with her & always wants to hold her & rub her & when she cries he runs to her & gives her the pacifier & tries to soothe her. They're both being amazing big brothers!! On Thursday we finally took her to her first doctor's visit after dropping the boys at daycare in the old town, it was almost a week late but we had been so busy & then I was stuck in the new place on my own. She finally gained some weight!! Discharge day she was around 5lbs & 11oz & at the visit she was 6lbs & 3oz!! We went in the morning around 10am & when we left the office I had in mind the nurses that took care of us & wondered if Eden's favorite nurse would be there & who else would be there. Then out of the blue as we walked out the building he goes "wanna go visit your girls?" as he pointed to the building next to us. I got super excited & told him he read my mind & if it was okay for us to go. We went to the building & I held my breath as the elevators opened...to my surprise ALL my favorite nurses & Eden's were there!!! They were so excited to see me & I told them I brought baby with me!! So they opened the doors for us & let us in. Even the head nurse was there!! They all fell in love with Eden, especially baby girl's favorite nurse. They all hugged me & asked bunches of questions & they thanked me for doing the rare of bringing a baby they cared for in my belly. When we left I felt super happy, I thanked him for doing that for me & that it meant a lot to me. We had an amazing day the rest of the day until night time came.
That night was the second worst night imaginable! In the middle of the night, got no idea what time, she woke me up with some funny noises. Lately milk has been coming back on her & she struggles between swallowing & breathing. That night it was bad & she could barely breathe. I grabbed her out of her bed & laid her upside down on my chest as I laid back & I started patting her back a bit hard trying to help her. She kept struggling with the spit up & some was coming out her mouth but after what felt like an eternity she finally stopped & was able to calm down. We went back to sleep but when morning came I was an emotional mess & it lasted the whole day. I had been so scared of losing her & surprisingly I was super calm watching her choke...when I see someone choking I go into a bad panic & don't do so well. I cried a little every now & then during the day because it had been so tough for me. Later on when I was about to head to get the boys, I got a call saying my oldest had just thrown up real bad. When we got back to the house, it got real crazy on me & I was in tears. Yesterday was a very overwhelming & stressing day & I hadn't felt that way since I was in the hospital before she was born. Once my boyfriend got home & my oldest went to my boyfriend's mom's house it got a bit calm but it was still a bit crazy. But I was happy I wasn't alone anymore. Hopefully today isn't too nuts for me.
Congratulations on bringing baby Eden home! I'm sure the added chaos of a newborn, pre schooler and school age child will settle down a bit..well not the chaos but at least your ability to be prepared for it. Sorry about the scare with her spit up- so hard to watch them struggle at all. I'm glad you all are safe and sound under one roof and you can start to live as a family.
Love and Hugs
So happy to hear that Eden is home, and so glad you are in your new house; I know the transition is hard and alot to handle as you have alot going on with a move, a brand new baby, and having your older two get used to have their new baby sister around, but it sounds like your 3 year old is adjusting well. That's so great. Don't give yourself a hard time over the formula, you are doing such an amazing job!! Hoping for some restful nights for you!
Yay for bringing sweet Eden home. I cant imagine bringing home a preemie and then moving in the middle of it all. Don't be to hard on yourself you have been through a lot over the past few months and you deserve to give yourself a break.
p.s. I did the same thing to my husband when they discharged my youngest. I didn't tell him Jaxson was being released. When he came to pick me up I was walking out of the hospital with Jaxson in his car seat. I remember my husband asking me " are you supposed to be leaving with him" lol it was so great!
Much love and lots of hugs,
The beginning of your post brought tears to my eyes...What an awesome surprise for Dad. =) I don't think I would have been able to hold it in all day. I'm sure it's an adjustment in your house figuring out new routines and schedules. One day at a time. Nicki
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