Twins in nicu: seeking comfort and advice


My sons were born 2 weeks ago today at 25weeks and 5days gestation. Thankfully both boys are doing well in the nicu but in spite of that I seem to be losing my mind and just all around feeling miserable. I can't help shake the guilt I feel for my sons being born too early. Every time I look in the mirror and see my bloated self I'm reminded that I  went into labor too soon and that my body couldn't maintain my pregnancy long enough. My milk supply has started to decrease and all I can think about is how if my milk dries up that will be just one more way in which I've failed my newborn sons.

The worst part is my 2year old son and my husband have had to take the brunt of my mood swings and I  know it stresses and hurts everyone. How do I get through this? Does time take away the guilt?


6 Replies

  • You are not a failure. My fiancee gave birth on 10/8 to 2 micropreemie twin boys with a gestation of 25 and 4. It may be a long road, but you are not a failure. Life and the babies had plans of their own. You have done nothing wrong and have failed no one. You must stay positive and steady in this emotional time because there are sure to be a roller coaster of emotions. God Bless you and your boys.
  • In reply to Mrs. Q:

    First Off Welcome to SHARE and Congrats on the Arrival of your twins. Im glad to hear they are doing well in the NICU. To me Mommy guilt is one of the hardest things to deal with when you have a baby(ies) born premature. Even years later you will ask yourself why your body failed to do what as a women it is designed to do. Ive been there, still am. But please know, there is nothing you could have done, not done, to prevent this. Share helped me. I started blogging here a little over 11 years ago. It gave me a place to voice my frustrations and get support from others that have walked a similar journey. You can also talk to your doctor about your feelings. Let them know your fears of not producing enough milk, ect. They will be able to point you in the right direction. The NICU journey is a bumpy road but every second there means stronger babies. I hope you will consider blogging. I would love to hear updates on your sweet boys as they navigate the NICU. Many many hugs.
  • In reply to lilbird930:

    Thank you for your prayers. You are right that only I can rid myself of the guilt. I admit I've never been good at forgiving myself, it's always been easier to forgive others. I guess blaming myself has become my way of rationalizing what happened. But you are right. It wasn't my fault.

  • In reply to lvazquez:

    This has been a huge change for me that definitely hasn't gone the way I thought it would. My husband has been really supportive but I have to admit that his positive outlook on things sometimes has been somewhat irritating.
    My sons thankfully continue to do well and improve and grow. All the prayers are definitely being answered but now I'm having trouble with my milk supply and worry that I won't be able to produce enough for them. It feels like all my mommy duties are being taken from me. I can't hold them, comfort them, bathe them, and now Im having issues producing enough to feed them. My heart hurts and yearns for my sons.

    --- Vese
  • Hello and welcome to Share. Congratulations on the birth of your twin boys! I know it feels as though you are losing your mind. Please be gentle on yourself. You just gave birth and your sons are in the NICU away from you. Your hormones are all going cray cray! You just had major surgery and are on your healing path. Whether in the NICU or just delivered with any kind of hospital stay, most moms feel that guilt. It's normal, but realize that you didn't will this to happen. My first son was born at 32 weeks and was in the NICU for three. It takes a long time to process an early birth or really any kind of traumatic experience. Deep breath, you can do this. It's okay to feel miserable as this is not what you had envisioned. So, deep breath again. Hubby and older son totally understand that mommy is not herself with good reason and they love you anyway.

    Remain focused that your twins are doing well. You are on survival mode right now and that's okay. Tell people exactly what you want/need. Shower, it always feels good. Build, create, or draw with 2 year old. You can interact without having to talk much if you don't feel like it. We're always here to listen if you need to vent, unload, or share. You can do this Mrs. Q:)


  • Honestly, no. Time will never rid the guilt from your mind. Only you can. You have to remind yourself that its not your fault. You did all you could and will continue to do so. Know in your heart, with every fiber of your being that God has a plan and everything will be okay. I pray for you and your sons.

    The best of luck to you all,