Hello and welcome to Share. Congratulations on the birth of your twin boys! I know it feels as though you are losing your mind. Please be gentle on yourself. You just gave birth and your sons are in the NICU away from you. Your hormones are all going cray cray! You just had major surgery and are on your healing path. Whether in the NICU or just delivered with any kind of hospital stay, most moms feel that guilt. It's normal, but realize that you didn't will this to happen. My first son was born at 32 weeks and was in the NICU for three. It takes a long time to process an early birth or really any kind of traumatic experience. Deep breath, you can do this. It's okay to feel miserable as this is not what you had envisioned. So, deep breath again. Hubby and older son totally understand that mommy is not herself with good reason and they love you anyway.
Remain focused that your twins are doing well. You are on survival mode right now and that's okay. Tell people exactly what you want/need. Shower, it always feels good. Build, create, or draw with 2 year old. You can interact without having to talk much if you don't feel like it. We're always here to listen if you need to vent, unload, or share. You can do this Mrs. Q:)