So here i am...unsure and lost...

Hi all. Im new here and I just want to vent because I haven't brought out to any family, friends or co-workers and a little bit at a loss right now. I had my son last year on 04/12/17. He was born at 32 weeks, my little big preemie baby (He was 4lb 12oz). I was high risk due to 3 previous miscarriages. All was well up until I was 16 weeks and my cervix was shortening. I had to get a same-day cerclage and got put on progesterone and Modified bed rest. The doctor said i could not return to work until further notice. Luckily, My job allowed me to work from home during the time. I worked from December until April from home and then after I had Brayden, stayed home, not working for 6 weeks, 3 of those weeks being in the NICU. 

I am pregnant once again and just recently found out. I don't want to tell anyone yet, but I am also worried that I am going to be on high risk and ordered to bed rest again. I am worried that financially, i just can't do it and am so stressed out and worried about losing my job and the reaction that i will get as I was just out last year for months at a time. My Fiance is so happy, but I am so worried. Our son right now is only 9 months old as it is. 

Flash Forward to today. I went for my first ultrasound a few days ago and was told my cervix looks good by the Tech--great! Now doctors nurse calls me because they recieved the ultrasound results. Welp-- gestational twins but one heart beat. I am at a loss. I am unsure how to feel. I feel guilty and lost. Twins?! but...not....twins. So here i am...unsure and lost...

1 Reply

  • Hello and welcome. No matter how lost or unsure you may feel, this is always the right place to be. So many of us can relate to everything you are feeling. I am so happy that you have a thriving NICU graduate at home! I am sorry that this pregnancy news comes with the cloud of unhappiness and loss due to only having one twin surviving. Please know we are here for you and you are not alone. Please share more of your journey with us when you are ready. Many of us post in the blogs area to keep updates in an easy format. I hope to hear more of your story when you are ready.
    Love and Hugs