Hello. My name is Justine and I have been reading these posts for the past 2 weeks and now finally decided to tell my story. 2 weeks ago I felt a gush of fluid, I was 23 weeks pregnant. I didn't know what was going on, but was so scared. I went directly to the hospital when they told me what I already knew in my gut: my water had broke and I was in labor. The doctors were so kind and trying to be optimistic, but deep down inside I knew I need to prepare for the worst, I just had a bad feeling. There was very little amniotic fluid left and my cervix was shortening. They gave me the steroids, IV treatment and hope but unfortunately she decided to come. I went into labor soon after the second steroid shot. It was only 24 hours after arriving at the hospital that she was born and later she died. Part of me really wished to be one of those women who stay on bed rest and are able to carry to full term. Another part of me wished we would have one of those miracle babies. But apparently that was not in our cards. I so wish this didn't happen. I would give anything to be pregnant again. I constantly ask myself why: why us, why me, why did this happen, why why why. But I know there is no reason. My doctors examined everything and cannot give me a medical reason why this happened. I had a very normal and uneventful pregnancy, which makes it even harder to grasp. there was no warnings or signs. Giving birth and not having a child is so hard. Grieving the loss of what could have been is even harder.
I do have to say that reading these storied remind me that I am not alone. Although it doesn't make it any easier, I appreciate the community and knowing that there is support out there, there are other parents that are grieving too.