Hello and welcome to Share. Congratulations on your little one! The NICU can be such an overwhelming place. I definitely had similar feelings. I would tell myself that he was in the most capable of hands. It was very hard in the beginning. I found the daytime staff to be very short with me. I could tell they were stressed out which didn't calm my nerves. We started visiting the NICU in the evenings after shift change. Not as many visitors, nurses seemed more relaxed, took their time to explain things, involved us more, and encouraged us more. I needed that! I already felt terrible and so defeated, you know? We did that until he was healthy enough to come home. I'm sure daytime visitors felt sorry for our son thinking we never visited, but the daytime staff would see our visits on the log sheet:) It took months after he came home to really process the time spent in the NICU. It is a journey like no other as you know. Keep pumping if you can. That made me feel better, like a job that was helping him to get healthier. Keep a journal and write down the events of the day and how you're feeling. It helps to get those words out. You can unload here too. It's a safe place and you're never alone. Remember, one day or moment at a time.
Thinking of you guys,