SIDS mom in grief and pregnant with rainbow.

Hello, I’m new. My name is April. My first born daughter, Aurora, was born 11/16/17. She died at about 5 months old on 4/10/18 of SIDS.  I have Bipolar Disorder so grieving on top of that has not been easy. I definitely wanted more children, but husband wanted another right away and I found myself pregnant again in March 2019, sooner than I would have liked. We are expecting Aurora’s little rainbow brother on 10/31/19 (Halloween). During both pregnancies, I have to be without and off all psych meds for my Bipolar and prenatal depression and postpartum depression as well as Bipolar depression and grief have all definitely taken their toll. I feel I was pressured into a new pregnancy too soon and feel like I didn’t have enough time to process enough of my grief before getting pregnant again. I haven’t been able to find very many other SIDS parents even though I’ve been looking and desperately want to connect with someone else who is dealing with the aftermath of SIDS. Also, anyone else out there dealing with unmedicated mental illness while pregnant could be helpful too. Hurting and feeling alone and overwhelmed. This is my story.