I completely understand your experiences you had and will absolutely help confirm for you that your feelings are right on point! When my twin sons were born at 29 weeks via emergency C-section, they were obviously sent immediately to the NICU. My husband and I were in complete shock and I personally did not want to see anyone. In his great wisdom, my father-in-law decided that day that it made sense to tell my husband that his childhood dog had died that day....yeah...great timing for that heartfelt story, huh? Sometimes in grieving situations, I have found that some people feel that their grief or struggle is bigger than others' or they feel that they have to make sure everyone knows they are grieving too. And to top that experience off, when my children were about 2 weeks into their 8 week stay in the NICU, my own brother decides to tell me he and his wife are expecting. Truthfully, I couldn't care less at that point in time and honestly, I was down right ticked off that he would have the lack of awareness to tell me about their joy when I was struggling with the thought that I could lose 1 or 2 of my children.
Right or wrong, when you are in a situation like worrying about your child in the NICU, it is your absolute right to be selfish. Tell people they can't come. Tell people not to call and ask questions. Only you know what you need and if the people around you are not understanding of your needs, then they just need to back off until you are ready for them again. In the 8 weeks my kids were in the NICU, I only allowed my mom to come one time and it was right before they were discharged. There's no wrong way to handle situations like this.
It's been 6 years since I experienced the NICU and thankfully my kids are now thriving, so I will tell you that at some point in time, this will seem like such a distant memory. People (if they are sensible) will completely forget and forgive any seemingly 'unfriendly' or 'ungrateful' behavior.
Do you, girl! That's all your child needs. :)