My first son spent 3 weeks in two different NICUs. In the beginning, every noise sort of made me jump and I was always checking his breathing, scared that he'd stop in the middle of the night. That went on for quite some time. He's now a healthy 11.5 year old. No matter how many years pass, there will always be triggers. For some it's beeps and machines, for others it's the smell of a certain soap or detergent. Hospitals, ambulances, and the diaper aisle can all contribute. You know your triggers. Make small goals for yourself and always have an escape plan, so that if you feel yourself starting to unravel, you can leave and collect yourself. Breathe mama, you're not alone.