Loosing it.

I am loosing it you guys. I am past baby blues and post partum and I am just plain done.

I feel so wrong.

I feel like a walking zombie. I don't understand why I am expected to jump back into life like everything Is ok.

EVERYTHING IS NOT OK. My baby is in the nicu.

I am trying to juggle working, going to see my sweet baby, coming home and cooking and hoping to get some sleep before I do it all over again.

I cant do I anymore. And when I mention it to my husband he says we cant survive without my income and I have to stay at work.

I LOVED WORK. I LOVED MY JOB. Now its my jail until I get to go home. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel stuck in this life that feels wrong for me. I am such an energetic person and I feel like my life was taken from me.

2 Replies

  • Hi again-
    I felt the same way when I went back. I sometimes used my lunch break to cry until I could make myself stop and get back to my station. One thing I really regret is not seeking help. I'm not sure what your insurance situation is, but its likely that someone at your baby's NICU, like a social worker can point you in the right direction of therapy services. I know its hard, but if everyday is a struggle its so much better to seek the help of a professional. Thinking of you and wishing you strength and peace.
    Love and Hugs
    Brandi
  • Are not able to go on disability for Depression? Thats the next thing I would suggest. I don't know where you live but do they offer paid family leave? Baby bonding? It really sounds like you should not be working. I feel for you, the NICU is tough enough as it is! Order some pizza instead of cooking! When i feel like life is too much i grab a blanket and pillow and camp out in the NICU room because at that moment my baby is the only thing that exists. If this is your only baby theres no reason why your husband can't take on some of the house hold work for you :)
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