NICU so far away

On January 16, I went in for a regular dr appointment and we sent to the hospital for high blood pressure, I was then flown to another town 3 hours away because our hospital was not equiped to handle my baby girl if she had to be delivered at 27 weeks.  I lasted 6 days before she had to be at 28 weeks, she went straight to the nicu on January 21st.  She had been there since and is doing good.

My biggest problem is she is 3 hours away!  I had a csection so im limited on travelling alone for another two weeks.  Also, i have an 8 year who has been an only child, so just the hospital stay away from myself and my husband affected him.  So i have to be here with him and over there with her.  

When im over there with her im worried about money, places to stay.  So ive been going wed to thurs and then sat to sun, but i feel so guilty thats its not enough.   Plus i over heard some of the nicu staff talk about how im not present enough, which makes me feel even worse then i already do.  Im just trying to be a good mom to both, but the guilt is really weighing on me.  

3 Replies

  • Hi and Congratulations on your baby girl! I'm not sure if you are already doing this, but placing a scent square (a little piece of fabric that you wear next to your skin so it smells like you) in your baby girl's isolette might help her recognize momma's scent or at least make you feel better that she has something to remind her of you. Also, call frequently for updates on how she's doing or how her day is going and request that they call you if anything changes. You could also write down and leave some notes about your baby for the nurses to go over with their shift changes, like anything you know she likes or dislikes. I also think requesting consistent nurses as much as possible is a great idea. AND, just from the post you wrote, I can tell that you care very much about both your children so try not to feel guilty because you are doing the best you can. Try to be present with each child when you are with that child. Maybe talking to the 8 year old about how this is temporary would help, or having a special weekly "date" with the 8 year old where you two just spend some quality time together would help. I hope that you have a good support system of people willing to help you so please don't be afraid to ask for help! Cleaning, laundry, making meals...
  • HI Momma! Congratulations!! One thing that I believe might help is is your hospital lets you choose your primary nurses. Although no one will be you, at least it can give you a peace of mind that the nurses that are there knows your baby girl and knows you. Ask for a charge Nurse (they are the ones in charge :) ) and explain your situation, which I'm pretty sure they know, and ask about this. Simply always having the same nurse in the AM and PM. I had at least 2 for the AM and 2 for PM.

    On another note, I had my girls 5 years ago at 27 weeks January 24 and also had C-Section, so that part I can understand a bit. Don't feel guilty! Your baby girl is where she has to be and I'm sure that she is being taken care of exceptionally. Do what feels right for you and the baby. Hope everything goes well with your 8 year old also. xoxo
  • Hello and Welcome. Congratulations on your new baby. I am so very sorry you find yourself torn with mothering your 8 year old and your NICU baby. It shouldn't be like this for anyone. I'm also very sorry that you are made to feel worse than you do by the NICU nurses. Know that you are doing the best you can and you're being the best mom that you can. Both your children know how much you love them and how hard you are trying. Please know we are here for you and keep us updated on your little one in the NICU as much s you can.