Dad of a 30 weeker

Hello, I am a medical student and my son has been in the NICU for 4 weeks. He was 10 weeks premature but had no significant medical issues outside of that. I have struggled for decades with depression and I hoped that the arrival of my son but this has been a bit of a whirlwind and I feel guilty for my depression having gotten worse. I am struggling to stay on top of my course work despite receiving support and accommodations from my university. Last night he had his first true apnic event and desat'd into the 20s and turned blue and needed rescue breaths and some CPR. I was not there at the time because I had a bad sinus infection and my PCP had started me on an antibiotic and I didn't want to risk bringing anything to the NICU/my son that could cause problems. I feel guilty because I wasn't there and my wife was there watching this by herself and I couldn't help her. She has been struggling some from PPD and I along with her healthcare providers have been unsuccessful in getting her to visit a counselor/getting help with it and last night's event made everything all that much harder on her and me. I joined this group and am posting because I don't really know what else to do and feel lost. 

 
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