Lost 3 babies in less than 1yr

I thought my posts in this forum ended last year after I lost my twins. They were born 5/25/16 at 24wks gestation. My first daughter passed on 5/27/16 and my second daughter on 6/4/16.

In September 2016, we were ready to try another round of IVF because my endometriosis was coming back and my dr recommended we try before I would need another surgery to remove the endometriosis. The procedure was successful and I was pregnant again, with 1 baby this time. I still had that fear of losing her but I tried to take care of myself and enjoy every second. I prayed and prayed for her that she would be safe and healthy. This pregnancy was rough. I was placed on home bed rest at 5wks because of bleeding. I was diagnosed with placenta previa which accounted for the bleeding. We were happy making it past the 24wk mark. At 27wks I was placed on hospital bed rest because of bleeding and was told I would stay there until 34wks. At 28wks my water broke but the dr said there was still fluid around baby and we would try to hang on as long as possible. At 28wks 3d the contractions got worse as well as the bleeding. The medical team couldn't stop the contractions or bleeding so they decided to deliver. Thankfully we received rescue steroids for baby's lungs and we were father along in the pregnancy so I was less concerned.

My daughter was born 4/4/17, weighing 2lb 0.3oz and 13.75in. She was breathing on her own and even cried. My husband went with her to the NICU and texted me she was doing well. I was relieved. After I got to my room the nurse encouraged me to start expelling milk for her, which I did. The NICU nurse said she was doing well, taking milk, and didn't need any other interventions. At 2 days old, the nurse noticed swelling in baby's belly and said they would have to make an incision to release air and look at her bowels for infection. They inserted a drain which helped. The next day, her belly was still bloated so they had to operate. They had to give her a breathing tube and a whole lot of medications and blood products. The surgeon confirmed Necrotizing Enterocolitis (NEC) which is when there is infection in the baby's bowels or intestines. If there is dead bowel or intestinal tissue, it must be removed. Baby did not have dead tissue but infected tissue so they decided not to take out any tissue but increase medication for the infection. 2 more surgeries and a removal of some colon tissue and baby was still sick. I couldn't handle seeing her getting so swollen. I never saw her eyes open again and never heard her cry again. At 5 days old, her heart rate and vital signs started decreasing. After the failed resuscitation, she was gone. I couldn't believe it. I thought, "this is not happening again!" She was fine 3 days ago. She was looking at me, crying, and breathing on her own. Then just like that, she was gone. My faith was definitely shaken. I was angry, hurt, confused, and didn't understand. Why did God take her from me? How could God take all 3 of my babies?! The only thing I could think was that we're not meant to have children.

So here I am. In less than 1yr, I am making funeral arrangements for my third child. This pain is unbearable. I don't even know anyone who lost 3 babies and I don't know how I will get through this.

4 Replies

  • In reply to Josie12907:

    Thank you Brandi. I've been journaling but I think I may start blogging just to get everything out. I'm trying to let it all out in hopes that it will help with the healing process. Kai
  • In reply to hobbes579:

    Thank you. It's so much harder this time. I feel so lost and broken.
  • I wish I could reach through the computer and give you a hug, your experience is (I'm sure) the nightmare that everyone in this forum has when faced with pregnancy after the loss of baby. You will get through this, just go one day at a time.
  • So incredibly sorry for you losses. Something that might help you process would be to being a blog in the blog section of the site. Its basically the same as journaling and it really helps me when I need a safe place to vent. Thank you for sharing your babies with us and please know that you aren't alone.
    Love and Hugs
    Brandi
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