I'm so, so sorry for the loss of your little angels. The agony one goes through both physical and emotional is unbearable at times and you are left with more questions than answers. Like you, I question God why he took my baby from me. I have three almost grown children and this fourth baby meant the world to me. I had prayed for him and when I found myself pregnant I felt the greatest joy but that happiness ended when at 22 weeks I went into preterm labor, delivered me baby but went home without him. I was numbed after that and mother nature did nothing to help me. I went through all the changes and stages with no baby to care for. I felt like I was being punished for something I did and had no right to ask God for anything. It will be 7 months since I lost my CJ and I still struggle with babies, pregnant ladies and my faith. I try to be happy and get back to normal life but the memory of his perfect little face just breaks me down. I want to try again but my husband refuses (this baby was his first). I want to believe that he is afraid but, I don't know anymore, this has taken a toll in our relationship.
My heart and love goes out you and the only thing I can say is, cry. Cry until you can't no more. It's really the only way to let out the sorrow we feel. I know of a story where a lady had 10 losses but didn't give up. She had a little girl December of last year. If she can do it, we can too!