Hello and welcome to Share. I am sorry to read about the loss of your son. This journey is painful, but know that you are not alone. I found this site over 8 years ago when we lost our third son. It became an outlet for so many different thoughts and feelings, a safe place. While most hospitals might offer free grief counseling, that may not be the best place especially if the hospital is a trigger or if there was malpractice. Depressing yes, but some funeral homes offer grief counseling and one could seek counseling privately. For me, I sought counseling early on and had a few sessions because I felt like my world was spinning out of control. No one in my immediate family could understand or offer me the support I needed. I also felt that I wasn't able to really mourn because I had two other very young children at the time. I unraveled slowly and when I did, it was uncomfortable for others. Talking with someone really helped and I hope that it can do the same for you. You do for you and when your closest circle does not get it, please visit us here.
Wishing you strength,