I am so sorry to read about the loss of your three baby girls. I can relate to a lot of what you describe about spouses grieving differently. In the earliest of days, we were both in shock. I had been on bedrest at 21 weeks. After our loss at 30 weeks, I guess it was deemed ongoing medical leave/maternity leave by my employer. He was allotted three bereavement days by the same employer, but ended up taking a full week to care for me and our living kiddos. I wanted to talk more than he did. He was on autopilot just trying to keep it all together because someone had to stay present. He had to go back to work and sort of kept his grief to himself while I was pouring out my emotions. Even in the months that followed, we were just trying to keep to a routine. It was hard because we were both expecting a totally different reality. Some days, it felt like we were still waiting for a baby to show up. If only they could be brought by storks. I don't know if it was a year or two later, but one day it just hit my husband really hard. It sort of shocked me because I was at a seemingly "better" place, but he was really feeling the enormity of it all and just how hurt and angry he really was about everything. So yeah, dealing with grief varies with each person for sure. I think the pain does not ever go away, but somehow one finds a way to deal. One learns their triggers, places to avoid, exit strategies, etc. I've been in that same room. Rooms with a lot of people make me anxious. I still find it hard to commit to outings and make plans. When I do, I automatically think of excuses to cancel if I need to. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that I planned for something so wonderful once and it did not work out. So, I'm still finding it difficult to make future plans when the future seems more unknown to me now than it ever did.
I know it's difficult. Know that you're not alone, ever. Share is always a perfect place to put these feelings.