I can't handle

August 28th me and my boyfriend found out we are pregnant it was a miracle because we're both told we can't have kids and everything was perfect he was perfect I was perfect everything was going right and then in my last month I found out on my appointment Oct 30 they find no heartbeat and didn't know how long there wasn't one so we rushed to the ER do what we had to do and I delivered him on October 31st this year I got to hold him even though he was not alive that was the proudest moment of my life but the hardest they told me his umbilical cord wrapped twice and the second time it was so bad knoted nothing was getting to him

3 Replies

  • Welcome to Share. I am so sorry to read about the loss of your baby boy. I also heard those same fateful words of no heartbeat. I know what you mean when you wrote about holding him and it being the proudest moment of your life. It is that pull of emotions, feeling that overwhelming pride and extreme loss all at the same time. While I know it is never enough, I am glad that you were able to hold him. It must have been very hard to let go of him. I hope that you and your boyfriend continue to lean on each other for support. Keeping talking about him and let out the tears. It's healthy to do so. We're always here to listen and just continue to take your time feeling everything.


  • Hi and welcome to share. I am sorry to hear about the loss of your baby. This is a difficult journey having to keep going after you baby dies. Try to take it one day at a time and know we are here for you. Many hugs. Nicki
  • Hello, and welcome to Share. I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your baby. This is indeed the hardest journey to walk. My thoughts are with you. Please check in when you can.