Welcome to Share. I am so sorry to read about the loss of your baby boy. I also heard those same fateful words of no heartbeat. I know what you mean when you wrote about holding him and it being the proudest moment of your life. It is that pull of emotions, feeling that overwhelming pride and extreme loss all at the same time. While I know it is never enough, I am glad that you were able to hold him. It must have been very hard to let go of him. I hope that you and your boyfriend continue to lean on each other for support. Keeping talking about him and let out the tears. It's healthy to do so. We're always here to listen and just continue to take your time feeling everything.