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How do you cope after losing a baby

I lost my baby girl at 26 weeks, went in for an ultrasound and they found no heartbeat. Had to deliver still birth, doctor said they umbilical cord had a marginal insertion to the side of the placenta. I am devastated , broken, lost. Its been a month today and had my follow up apt with my doctor who asked me "So what are your plans are you going to try again? " your perfectly healthy". I don't think another baby will ever replace her. I didn't want another baby I wanted her. I must admit the thought of another pregnancy scares me, but I don't want to give up my hopes, its probably too soon as I told the doctor, but I don't want to close that door, I need to heal .... How do you cope? How to you begin to heal? what helps? ..........

Noellem04

6 Replies

  • Noellem04

    In reply to Noellem04:

    yes the" how are you" questions are hard to answer..especially if i know that person is asking just to ask and doesnt really care.. ive done things with my kids as well after being in hiding for the 1st month or so..i still don't get off at his school to pick him up as I used to I have my oldest get off the car as I don't want to run into anyone... I also do not and have not posted anything on social media...don't have facebook but me and my husband share an instagram account, I don't want people to see me out and think oh shes fine, but they don't know the struggle it was to even get dressed. I know it will be very hard to feel any joy if I get pregnant again, it will be naturally full of fear...of course the stress and anxiety will be there from the pregnancy test and on ....but the moment we both get to hold and hear our babies cry in our arms for the 1st time it will be worth the journey... ill never forget my Gianna, I wish she was still here, I would never want to replace her, its just so hard.
  • Misseducated123

    In reply to Noellem04:

    The "How are you" questions make me upset the most. How am I suppose to respond? I also hate when someone asks me if I'm going to try again. If I ever did decide to, I don't want to tell anyone. Everyone was apart of my journey with Everly. I was blessed with 3 baby showers, you can imagine all the stuff we have. I ended up giving my closest family members and friends the gifts back and had them return it. I washed and organized all of her clothes just 3 days before she died. I was in hiding the first month, I would wear a hat and glasses if I went outside and would walk behind my husband. It has been difficult. Yes the fb posts of babies being born and the preganncy annoucemnts have been very diffciult. I also do things with my kids but I don't post on social media. I feel like it's going to tell ppl, oh she's fine she went swimming. What they don't know is I was crying hysterical watching my daughter play in the pool and seeing all the beautiful babies. We can feel whatever we want and cope how ever we want. It will take time...don't rush your decision to ty again, I know in my heart that I want to, but I'm not sure when that will happen. I don't trust it, I was brought to the finish line and then...nothing. How can I be happy during another pregnancy and not feel stress?
  • Noellem04

    In reply to Misseducated123:

    Hello, I have not put her things away, just cant do it. We didn't have the crib up yet, but we had her car seat ready to go and I just put it away in the garage.... Its hard, its the hardest pain ive ever felt in my life, its been 10 weeks now, I started working out as well, helps a little, spending time with my 2 other kids , 8 and 13 helps to keep me going. But theres this sadness that I carry everywhere I go and some days are just harder than others... I find myself wearing myself out so I can just be tired enough to sleep through the night. My heart tells me I want to try again, but my head is full of fear. I see babies everywhere, women pregnant...it makes me sad and insecure....how do you deal with people or family members approaches? ive had mixed feelings , some people just hug me and say I'm sorry for our loss.. others just avoid it completely which I find gets me mad.. cant understand why...
  • Misseducated123
    Hi Noelle,
    Our stories are similar and I know what you are going through. On July 1st I lost my baby girl Everly at 39 weeks. She was ready... Not feeling her move prompted me to go to the hospital and no heartbeat. I also delivered still birth to find out the umbilical cord wrapped around her neck twice and she died of strangulation. The pain I feel is indescribable. Knowing I had this perfect baby inside of me and I couldn't protect her.
    The idea of trying again has to come when you are ready. I still have not decided what to do. Everly was suppose to be the last baby. She was joining a blended family together, my husband has an 18 year old and I have an almost 10 year old. We are unsure of it all. I still have her crib up and just recently put her clothes away. It all takes time. I have looked into bereveament groups but haven't made the call, just not ready. Keeping busy has helped me, I started working out which make me feel good. If you need to talk just reach out. It may be good for both of us.
  • Josie12907
    Hello and welcome. I am so very sorry for the loss of your baby girl. I lost my daughter 11 years ago, due to Trisomy 18. I can't say there is one single thing that makes it better. No matter what, be kind to yourself. Allow yourself to grieve for the baby you wanted. I found comfort in working on a scrapbook, joining March for Babies, donating to a local NICU, and then sometimes just drinking wine alone and zoning out to the TV or computer. Also, know that you are not alone in this, unfortunately, so many of us understand your loss and we are here for you.
    Love and Hugs
    Brandi
  • TrinitysMommy
    Welcome to Share. I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my daughter almost 12 years ago. Finding Share helped me cope. It gave me a place to vent. A safe place. I spent years blogging. Please know you are not alone. Many of us here have walked a similar path. Sending you a million hugs.

    Samantha
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