It has been one month now since my little boy passed away. I woke up the morning of June 3rd with some lower back discomfort that quickly intensified and bleeding. My husband immediately took me to the ER. It turns out at 21 weeks and 2 days I was almost fully dilated. My doctor informed us that because I was so dilated they could not place a cerclage or really stop what was happening and that my water would break and my son would be born then pass away. My husband and I made the decision to transfer to a specialist at a different hospital for a second opinion because we had to try to save our son. The specialist told us the same thing. I had an incompetent cervix that had dilated however he agreed to attempt a heroic cerclage pending good results from an amniocentesis. We were informed that the procedure would likely fail or my water would break during, but we felt we had nothing to lose and everything to gain. Unfortunately my amnio results indicated the start of an infection so the procedure was called off and I was moved to labor and delivery to wait for my water to break. The morning of June 6 it happened. Around 5:25am I awoke to my water breaking. My son was born shortly after at 5:40. He was absolutely beautiful and had a strong heartbeat. He stayed with us for 3 hours then peacefully passed away in my arms. Handing him back over to hospital staff after he passed was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. With him went every hope and dream I had for him. We buried him on the 11th. There is not an hour that goes by where I don’t think about him. I’m starting to get good at telling people I’m okay when in reality I’m nowhere close. Sometimes the grief is paralyzing, but I know that it will get better.